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Yiara
January 25th,2008, 07:47 PM
Hello there!
I didn't know where to put this but I wanted to open a thread for my English homework and I hope you'll give me a feedback.:)
My first homework is an article about the parliamentary election in Russia and the nomination of Dmitrij Medwedjew:


Economy celebrates the new presidential candidate


It seems that Russia's new president of had already been chosen. The office-holding president of Russia, Wladimir Putin declared his favourite candidate, the supervisory board head of Gazprom Dmitrij Medwedjew.
Russia's economic experts are really convinced of Putin's choice and the Russian economy has already experienced a cyclical upturn.
Not only the Russians are really positive about Medwedjew: German economic experts are certain that Medwedjew could itensify the relations beetween Russia and Germany and that he is the best one for the Russian economy.
But there are also critical voices:
What position will Putin take? Is he able to relinquish the administration of Russia to Medwedjew?
Many experts say that the nomination of Dmitrij Medwedjew by Wladimir Putin is an action of tactical expedience. They are of the opinion that he can't „abandon“ Russia.
In their opinion, Putin searched (and found) a candidate who knows the importance of economy and who was, in fact, one of Putin's closest counsellors.
Medwedjew's candidateship is good for the Russian economy, but there is another very important point: It seems to be clear that the Russians will elect Medwedjew. More than 40 % say that they will adopt Putin's proposal.
Politicians all over the world say that Dmitrij Medwedjew will adhere to Putin's policy.
But there are also differences between Putin and Medwedjew. Some experts say that the supervisory board head of Gazprom bears another reference to policy, economy and also the Russian population. He is no ancient intelligence service agent and he knows what is important for the Russian economic development.

We can't say if the Russians will elect Medwedjew, but all signs point to that. Even the parliamentary election seems to be a herald of the "new" governance: The part of the office-holding president Wladimir Putin wins the election which shows that the people have trust in the path Putin has been following for eight years.


It's your turn;)

Elfdaughter
January 26th,2008, 12:13 AM
You want feedback? You got it.

It seems that Russia's new president of had already been chosen. - Remove 'of' here. Choose your tense - is this present or past? Change 'seems' or 'had' to whichever tense you choose.


The office-holding president of Russia, Wladimir Putin declared his favourite candidate, the supervisory board head of Gazprom Dmitrij Medwedjew. - This sentence doesn't make sense. Was Putin's favourite Medwedjew? If so, you need to re-write that sentence, making it clearer. (Putting in 'to be' after 'candiate' and removing the comma would help.)



itensify - should be 'intensify'

They are of the opinion that he can't „abandon“ Russia. Which experts- sources? Put some referencing in there, that'll get you extra marks.


In their opinion - again, back up your sources. Where did you find this information? If you can show your teacher you've done background reading, you'll get higher marks.

More than 40 % say that they will adopt Putin's proposal. - Again, where is your info coming from?

Some experts say that the supervisory board head of Gazprom.... - 'some' expets? Again, name them!

Domlegolas
January 26th,2008, 02:43 AM
Wow, ED. I am really impressing of u to help english through here.
Excellent and nicely of u :rose:

Elfdaughter
January 26th,2008, 03:36 AM
Hehe! Well, I'm doing an English literature course at degree level, so I'm more than happy to pass on my own experience and knowledge to those who come looking for it. ;)

Yiara
January 26th,2008, 09:42 AM
Thanks!:)
My teacher said that I didn't have to name my sources in this article (I gave her an extra sheet of paper on which they are named)

But I'm really glad you've read through the whole article and found mistakes I never would have seen;)

Elfdaughter
January 26th,2008, 01:15 PM
Don't worry, Yiara. Yeah, at school level I suppose you don;t really need to name sources, but it gets you into a good habit if you ever want to take it further... ;)