Beleg's Buffoonery!

[Beleg Strongbow]

To all,

If any of you have any humourous or nonsense poetry that you've written and you'd like to post it somewhere, feel free to stick it in here...

I wrote this poem based on my observations of people in forums. Sometimes, humans can’t pick the inflection in the other’s voice and so may take things the wrong way. I’ve had my fair share of “talk your way out of this one”, mostly in typically public areas like MSN. In WotR, this has occurred very little, so it’s nice to know that we can talk in the forums here and be ‘mostly’ understood!


Idle words, chitter-chatter
Constant verbs and nouns a-clatter
Adjectives that fall from grace
Vowels that fly about the place

Consonants abrupt and quick
Jerk the mind fast and thick
Put together and written down
Misread, misled and tempers blown

Read the words and be frustrated
Form the sound, be aggravated
But know the person who you think
Is dim and dark, and apt to slink

That person thinks you just as bad
The attitude that makes you mad
Has vexed them thrice and driven them
To write on anger’s page again

Listen here and I will tell
Of people’s hearts, a bottomless well
Of anger, sadness, laughter, tears
Of rage and hope throughout the years

On pages on the Internet
The forum forms a strict mind set
Opinions, attitudes and such
That people hate so very much

Yet WotR quells the fiery mind
And shows that hearts may be as kind
So chitter-chatter, clitter-clatter
It’s not the words that really matter.

But the message that comes from them
So close your eyes and count to ten
My mood’s been softened many times
WotR has read between the lines.



There are a few others that I've posted in here in the past but in various threads. The next couple are dedicated to my ongoing taunting of Orlando Bloom A.K.A. Legolas Greenleaf.....much to the dismay of fangirls everywhere...


Leggy's Duck

My mind is blank
my brain is done
I have no poetry or song
you girls just want too much from me
My bed is softly calling me...

Leggy's the fruit of the day
but who am I to stop and say
he waltzes in like Queen Faruk
and speaks like Phyllis Diller's Duck

His pants are short and baggy brown
why is it the girls go to town
about his frilly, silly frocks
and pink and purple daisy socks?

If he was me, well then he'd see
the person he is meant to be
proud attitude and Kingly stance
but he'd just turn and wet his pants

So Leggy just don't bother me
I'm tired & battle's wearied me
Just go and get another Orc
and then fetch me my knife and fork!

Orli the Putz

Orli, surely is a klutz
he's not cool, he's just a putz
palid white and gangly legs
stupid hair held up with pegs
hairy nostrils, skinny lips
looks like a girl with nine inch hips
couldn't act to save his life
can't keep a girl to be his wife
Orly, surely you must be kidding
if this is the way you eek out a living?

[Beleg Strongbow]

Not really a nonsense poem, but Adun was pushing me to find out how old I was, so this was my reply


The Tale of Beleg

All the Ages have I seen
The news of Silmarils no less
of Melkor and the the fallen King
Of Angband, till his timely death

The birth of Stars, of Sun and Moon
The Oath-Holders - and unjust deeds.
Of Niniel and the Mormegil -their love
by Glaurung's malice seen.

Of Doriath my early home
The ruination I did see
Morgoth's evil set Húrin down
and brought my land to misery

Of Númenor and Edain born
The birth of mighty kings of men
corrupt and foolish every one
till Sauron's folly vanquished them

How old am I you ask Adun?
Too old to little children here
the Legacy of Elves I bare
my doom to walk from year to year...

[Lady Luthien]

roflmao lol lol...those are great, Beleg! You have perfect rhythm in your poems, not to mention the fact that they are brilliant and hilarious! I hope to read more soon!

[Catz]

oh goody.......ive been meaning to ask you to start this hon, but you beat me to it ;)
hmmmmmm a home for the Leggy lashing couplets lol :fanboy:

ok i have a couple of little ones from the Citadel

there was a young chap called Orlando
whose legs were dead hairy, and so
said "i MUST depilate,
tho fangirls get irate,
cos it ladders my stockings dontcha know"

one for Lady Cele who tried to sic a dragon onto the kitty ;)

there once was a dragon of Celes
who got one of catzs claws in the belly
fangirls found it deflating
Antis found it elating
and we dumped him before he got smelly

and one that was started by Beleg...............but that lacked in my opinion, a good punchy ending..........which i ofc added ;)
so the first stanzas are Belegs.........the last is mine :naughty: lol

Orli has walked in the room
all the girlies start to swoon
some of them run to his side
to grab a feel like a new laid bride

but orli pushes them away
"Stop it duckies, I'm so Gay
I mince around in bright pink pants
so just beware of this circumstance

if you would try your wiles on me
a rejected flower you will be
my mind is looking somewhere else
I've got Depp's new leather belts!"

of course if Depp just dont pan out
i've another plan, you can have no doubt
im Orli the gorgeous dontcha know
and i rather fancy that Beleg Strongbow

:p lol

:catz:

[Catz]

"Throw the ring in the fire", quoth Gandalf
and then when its out, put your hand out
said the Wiz, "its not hot"
Said the hobbit, "its not?
then id rather YOUR hand out , myself" ;)

:catz:

[Catz]

mmm so in honour of Belegs thread, we have

Belegs Ballad
Alas poor Beleg, we knew him well
He always was such fun
To be dispatched by a living hell
Crushed in a fangirl scrum
We tried to tell him, we warned him ever
Of the fatalities of charm
But he had to go on being clever
And now hes come to harm
Always ready with quip or sallie
Unaware even when
Before being squished into a jelly
He was overcome by oestrogen
Betrayed by his own appeal
flattened by fangirls stealing gropes
The saddest part of all I feel
Is burying him in lots envelopes
i think they found all of his bits
Well, with a little adjustment
Squeezing in bits that didn’t quite fit
To ensure he had all his equipment
Searching all the miscreants
For any stray bits and pieces
Building him up by increments
And ironing out all the creases
So were here to mourn a sex object
Well at least to hormonal fangirls
And to let all our words and actions reflect
The loss to our little social whirl
Tho there is a catch to this little show
Cos us antis aren’t really dummies
They flattened not Beleg, but his unfortunate clone
Which is nasty……..but kinda funny ;)

:catz:

[Lady Luthien]

lol lol good one, Catz :grin:

Beleg...I think you'll recognize this one lol

The Plight of Lady Luthien & ShieldMaiden

A dire problem had been unmasked
By elvish women in a thread
a shortage had been noticed here
The ladies had been struck with dread

"What shall we do?" asked one of them,
"Just sit and wait" another said
But wait they did and nothing came
So still they sat and bowed their heads

Lady Luthien stood up and cried out loud
"I'll hunt for some and bring them here,
he'll have no choice, just trust me now"
and prepared to leave, her mind was clear

Shieldmaiden asked "Where are they?
Are they really far from here?"
Lady Luthien replied in a panicked voice
"You know what? I have no idea!"

Still, up she got and strode outside
Breathing deep the cool night air
Her eyes like hawk's she had espied
A wandering elf with long blonde hair

Down the road she ran with speed
To stop the elf from wandering
And spun him round to talk with him,
She saw his face, and perfect skin

'twas Legolas a wandering far
She asked him could he find a way
In his heart to come with her
He said "sorry sweetie, but I'm gay!"

So, came she back to the 'dating' thread
Her head hung low with misery
They others saw her and bowed their heads
The loss of males a mystery

Here ends the tale of Luthien's woes
A story full of grief and tears
Male elves are just too hard to find
And the one's she does are just plain queer!

lol lol lol

[Beleg Strongbow]

a true gem if ever there was one! Gee....I wonder who wrote that one then....?? :grin: :cool:

[Catz]

mmmm and ofc YOURE totally unbiased there Beleg :rolleyes:
*rummages around in her smilies, searching*
where the heck did i put that lil pukey guy???lol

there once was an Elf called Beleg
who let flattery go to his head
it was SUCH a bore
when he got stuck in the door
"encephalitis" doctors said ;) lol

just teasing sweety :smooch:
altho............*eyes up the doors carefully* ;)

lol and another one brought about by reading my own poetry lol

There is a Numenorian feline
For misery her poetry makes a beeline
She is I would deem
SUCH a tragedy queen
And this even she cannot deny ;)roflmao

:catz:

[Lady Ashley]

roflmao

Those are great....Beleb, you have a gift there, buddy. As do the rest of you!

[Catz]

trouted whilst peacfully dreaming
was Beleg, Itar ran off screaming
but her plans were all foiled
when she got cod liver oiled
but Beleg?.........youre doing the cleaning ;)

[Beleg Strongbow]

ho ho ho ho ho ho
a-cleaning we will go!
if Itar spews then, so
the diced carrots will show

[Catz]

whoo hooo y'all ;) its duelin verses at 10 paces ;) lol

Hands Beleg a bucket and mop
Well maybe next time you will stop
And consider the consequences
And the alimentary inferences
Of making fangirls blow the lot

:catz:

[Beleg Strongbow]

there's nothing wrong with a chunder
dead people do it six feet under
the colour is grand!
oops! it's got on my hand
and my guts sound like dark, rolling thunder


feel free to remove this Kitty before I get into trouble!

[Catz]

oh i think its ok lol..............disGUSTing :o................but ok ;)

quoth Catz was that sound thunder?
or just Beleg having a chunder?
mustve been SOME bachanalia
cos he lives in Australia
and to hear it from New Zealands a wonder ;) lol

:catz:

[Itarildë]

stupid belegpfbbt
i'll get u lol:rolleyes:

[Catz]

weeeeeeeell i wouldnt call him stupid ;)
he got you a beauty after all Itar lol
well ive already posted this in the citadel, but it really belongs in here, and ive changed it a bit, so here tis

Itar was full of bravado
tho shed spent the whole day incommunicado
running to the bathroom
whilst swearing revenge and doom
and turning a light shade of avocado

i like limericks..........what can i say? :huh: lol
:catz:

[Ceri Bloom]

nothing catz i think they're great!! keep it going!

nice one about luthien ;)

[Catz]

Luthien.???...........which Luthien?
geeeez ladies, if i was going to go for a Luthien id be here all nite given the number of Luthiens around here lol
:catz:

[Lady Luthien]

lol Well there's only one poem written about a "Luthien"...which was about me and Shieldmaiden..."The Plight of Lady Luthien and Shieldmaiden" lol But yes...it is confusing what with LuthienT, Lady Luthien, Luthien Tinuviel, Luthien...ect ect :p lol

[Catz]

ahhh right, ofc:blush:
sorry, wasnt really with it at the time, i forgot about that ;) lol
:catz:

[Itarildë]

im glad i was poem now when people will look they will think i wonder what happenedlol

[Itarildë]

there was a man called beleg
who was filled with terrible dread
an elf swore revenge
and now he mite wake up dead

omg thats terrible but its my first poem so how can u blame me lol

[Beleg Strongbow]

Oscar's won, the Party's done
Headaches, hangovers not at all fun
Tuxedos, Gold statues & laughter replaced
by dry tongue, red eyes & a green face

Trips to the toilet, please don't make a fuss
While trying to drive the white porcelaine bus
The Party is over, but never fear,
Kodak Theatre will be there, same time next year.

[Catz]

just to continue there...


but we wont be there
and thats such a bummer
we cant repeat this year
it was a real hummer
i dunno what im gonna be
watching next year
but it wont match LOTR
you can have no fear
so now the party is over
as you can plainly see
but ofc were still waiting for
the DVD!!!!! ;)

:catz:

[Catz]

for some reason lately i keep coming up with these bits of doggerel lately lol
this kinda grew this afternoon while i was was doing some other stuff............so here tis

The Ballad of the Cat and the Elf
There once was a Elfling, Beleg
In danger of a severely swelled head
Just where it was swollen
Is somewhere I'm not goin’
Ill just have a whisky instead

He said “it’s a mystery so far
I dunno what the parameters are
That when I enter a room
The fangirlies all swoon
Perhaps its just the guitar”

Well the Ric is a beauty said kitty
tho as sexy as it is, I don’t see
when they clamour for a bit
its not a bit of IT
it’s for a bit of something NOT PG

his neatly groomed eyebrows upraised
said , “the pressure to perform can dismay
everyone wants a bit
and its really the pits”
said the cat with a grin, “you don’t say?”

Said Catz, “I dunno about that
But youll never fit into your hat
If you keep getting flattered
Then with brains we'll be spattered
Cos your head will end up going “splat”

Said the Elf ,you keep taking the p*ss
Its not very nice you know miss
Quoth the kitty, “but hey
Its in an affectionate way
And your a target I just cant resist

Said the kitty, its cool teasin you
Its one of my fun things to do
All your fangirls a dribbling
And verbally drivelling
Is incredibly funny in my view

So said Beleg with elfly insight
May I take it then, that your bite
Is far worse than your bark?
Catz said “lets hit the bar
If youre unlucky youll find out tonite

So the cat and the elfling got drunk
Many beers downed, many thoughts thunked
Holding each other upright
Heads feeling a bit light
Firm friends, tho both totally skunked

Beleg said “I'm really not pished
I'm as shober as anyone could wish
Catz hauled him upright
Saying “you think youre not tight?
You just tried to hit the floor and mished ;)

Said he looking into her face
Sho you think that you are ok?
She said I'm in trouble
When I shtart seeing double
Now whish of you two shaid that, hey?

So the next day by alcohol stung
A sad pair with carpet lickers tongues
But in the end
They both gained a friend
No comradierie like that of the overhung ;)

:catz:

[Ireth]

oooohh That was good Catz!!! :)
But I don't know if it is a good thing or a bad thing that I could see it all perfectly played out in my head lol ;)

[Beleg Strongbow]

I agree Ireth my love! The mental images of me & Catz being 'pished' is quite disturbing...lol

God knows, we've done it enough together online, but there is the disturbing thought that soon it will be face to face in Sydney with the Ice Dragoness and three of us rolling around pished will become a reality and a scary reality at that! :elfeek:

[Catz]

oh pish ;)..........wassup Beleg? nervous hon? :naughty: lol ;)
:catz:

[Ireth]

He probably is poor baby lol

I wish I could join ya'll....so much fun!!! Ya'll have to take pictures and post them here ;)

[Ice Dragoness]

You mean the pics of me falling off and lying in the water jump half dead? lol

[Catz]

lol now now Icey repeat after me ............."i will not fall off in the water jump.................i will not fall off in the water jump........."
cos lets be honest.............if you do, youre wasting valuable drinking time ;) lol
:catz:

[Tar-Vanimelde]

Catz, I adore you!!
So the cat and the elfling got drunk
Many beers downed, many thoughts thunked
Holding each other upright
Heads feeling a bit light
Firm friends, tho both totally skunked

Beleg said “I'm really not pished
I'm as shober as anyone could wish
Catz hauled him upright
Saying “you think youre not tight?
You just tried to hit the floor and mished

That just sums you up perfectly lol

#Vani

[Catz]

lol well thanks Vani..................i think ;) lol
:catz:

[Tar-Vanimelde]

Oh...yeah, that was a compliment. :p Or at least it was intended to be lol Very funny poem and all that ;)

#Vani

[Catz]

heheh thank you maam ;) *bows*
guess i shall have to work on my next opus now ;) lol
:catz:

[Tar-Vanimelde]

I hope so! You certainly have a fan in me ;)

#Vani

[Catz]

awwwwww thank you..............*wanders off in search of her next vict...............errrrr...............subject* ;) lol
:catz:

[Tar-Vanimelde]

Just as long as it's not me! lol Though that might be funny...

#Vani

[Catz]

how about this?
there once was a lassie called Vani
whose temper was unfailingly sunny
when youre feeling down
shell erase your frown
and she don’t even charge any money ;) lol

:catz:

[Tar-Vanimelde]

Aww! :smooch: Thanks Catz, you're a sweetie! :grin:

#Vani

[Laurelin]

Now that was sweet! Awww! I'm getting all misty here. ;) lol

[Beleg Strongbow]

Hey! I can write stuff too!! Here's one for Laurelin.

Laurelin, Laurelin, Sweet as can be
eyes as deep as the sundering sea
mist in her eyes means she can't see
the oncoming train that she must flee.

pretty good, huh?

[Catz]

oooh, touchy , touchy honey ;)
its about time you did then isnt it?
i dont know.........leaving all the work to a poor lil kitty cat...........and you KNOW its hell typing with paws ;) lol

:catz:

[Tar-Vanimelde]

Aw, it must be torture to be so gifted yet have such a struggle to express yourself, Catz ;)
Beleg, we don't doubt your ability, just your puncutality lol But the 'sundering' was very tolkien-esque of you ;)

#Vani

[Laurelin]

lol Funny Beleg! And how did you know my eyes were blue?? lol I hate those oncoming trains tho. ;)

[Beleg Strongbow]

eerr...it was just a hunch there Laurelin! Of course I don't have a secret webcam at your place...:blush:

You say you have oncoming trains? Are you applying ointment for that?

[Catz]

what have i told you about spy cams Beleg????*puts hands on hips* tsk tsk tsk ;)
:catz:

[Beleg Strongbow]

I forget...what have you told me about that? I don't recall

[LuthienT]

I would like to here this too! Hi guys! Heres my attempt at a sonnet. Please tell me what you think.

The Creature
In the Dark Underworld a creature waits,
For the Fall of Darkness and night fog,
So the Creature can find its next helpless bait,
Scouring every house and slimy bog,
The dark creature’s search is only in vain,
In every town no one is seen at night,
People huddle in their homes hoping to keep sane,
For madness is said to come with the fright,
Hearing the tales of the creature toes curl,
And the hair on the people’s neck will rise,
Town folk fear going to the underworld,
For in the Underworld folk are defied.
One night I look in the mirror to see,
The monster is staring back at me.

[Laurelin]

:) Good one LT!!

Yeah, the ointment isn't working very consistently Beleg. Since you've got that webcam...perhaps you could suggest something?? lol

[Beleg Strongbow]

Interesting LT...but I'm sure that there's an antedote for your problems there...lol

Laurelin, I have no cure for it, but a simple instruction..."STEP ASIDE!!!"

oncoming trains are just downright dangerous my dear. You need to keep an eye out...

[LuthienT]

lol Actually that was about you Beleg (jk) lol

[Beleg Strongbow]

**...sulks...**

[Catz]

awwwwwwww youre SO cute when you sulk hon ;)
*grins and kisses his nose, scampering out of reach quickly*
im at work so it looks like ill have to use my time productively and write some more ;)
:catz:

[Laurelin]

lol Yeah, I get creative at work too, but it usually has nothing to do with my job. lol Have at it Catz! I'm eagerly awaiting the next installment. ;)

Poor Beleg. You're so picked on. lol *sits amused and giggles to self*

[Catz]

yeah well, the bosses came in, so i really didnt get anything done lol
but today is a weekend, so hopefully we shall be nice and quiet, and ill come up with something ;)
:catz:

[Tar-Vanimelde]

Very nice, LT! And I guessed Beleg had inspired it ;)

Catz- has insperation come? *crosses fingers*

#Vani

[Catz]

heheh kinda ;)
may i present :
The Lay of War of the Ring
Two folk got together to make
Once upon a long ago time
A home in the depths of cyber space
Back in the primoridal slime

A deity was one of the two
tho spelling wasn’t his forte
a hobbit was the other one
one over, one under 40

a welcoming home in the void
they created for us all
for fan girls, and readers and all the rest
a feat that is not small

and so were now a family
just like the brady bunch
tho maybe a tad more dysfunctional
weve been considered out to lunch

we have our share of characters
As in any home worth its salt
each of us is different
some rather fond of single malt

Adun says shes now an anti
Tho she was a Leggy fangirl
but the fact is hon, we all know
if he appeared youd be in a whirl

LT is another worshipper
At the Orli fane
Shes keen on her bow and arrow
Pity about her aim

Vani is always there to give
she is a real sweetheart
A hug and smile when its needed
Tho with the hottie she needs a kick start

Of the fangirl clan members
Laurelin is another one
Show her pics of Orli
And her brain “sets to stun”

Elendur is a kindly soul
who says of his high hairline
that a high forehead means intelligence
so we just call him Einstein

theres a werecat here also
making this her place
Shes sweet and kind and gentle.....ish
Just don’t get in her face

Beleg is an Elfling here
A Leggie anti to the core
Tho there is something of a suspicion
That’s its cos Leggy always scores

We also have a Dragon
Every home should have one
Our Icey is a honey
Even if she DOES like her rum

And then ofc theres Bawax
who some fangirls idolise
with his "marry me", with a cheeky grin
and his CFM eyes

Our librarian is mirky mouse
"Here she comes to save the day"
Just dont confuse her with Pratchetts
Shes DEF not an ape

Las wanders in now and then
Tho he doesn’t tend to stay
Cos when he and Tiri get soppy
Out comes the Ice water spray

Tiri is a handful
And im sure that Las would agree
This may not make much sense now
Ive had to censor this line you see

The Wolfie is a newbie
Tho hes adapting fast
To having us talking his ear off
Heres hopeing that hell last

Theres many more of us here
All happy to be around
Others who don’t judge us
Who are happy with what they’ve found

now i KNOW ive missed people out here, but im at work and i do have to do SOME work on thier stuff lol

:catz:

[Illuvatar]

roflmao!!!!

OMG...that was hysterical!! lol

I've popped back in here from time to time,
just to take a peek,
and oh what my eyes did find,
when humour I did seek! :p

notworthy :catz: notworthy

[Catz]

heheheh well then at least i can say my nites work hasnt completey been wasted ;)
glad you liked
:catz:

[Laurelin]

Well done Catz! ;) lol

[LuthienT]

Catz that was so great. lol I loved it! I am still laughing!lol

Beleg if you sulk that will do nothing, I already posted it and can't change it and I was only kidding. lol (Mabey you had a little inspiration to the poem!)lolroflmao

[Catz]

ok well ive added a few stanzas............i cant believe i missed out Mirky mouse, Elendur and my lil honeyB ;)
so thats all rectified now ;)
:catz:

[Tirithel]

Aw I'm so touched I got to be in it! Thanks Catz! What's with the "editing" in my stanza though? Geez, people are going to get the wrong impression...:evil: roflmao

:rock: Awesome work Kitty!

[Tar-Vanimelde]

*grins around at everyone* Catz, that was too great! :hooray: :whoohoo: You are fantastic :grin:

#Vani

[Catz]

;) i know ;)lol
lol im glad everyone enjoys it........it was fun to write..............just hard to stop lol
:catz:

[LuthienT]

I bet it was fun. I guess you could add on if you think of more. I think you are a great writer. ;)

[Night Wolf]

Originally posted by Catz
The Wolfie is a newbie
Tho hes adapting fast
To having us talking his ear off
Heres hopeing that hell last
:catz: [/B]

LMFAO!!! roflmao

[Catz]

heheheh i take it you liked then? ;)
well, i DO talk your ear off ;)
:catz:

[Ice Dragoness]

And you DO realise when you get home and on MSN I'm gonna talk your ear off about unfair show judges lol

I liked it....but me drink rum? NEVER lol

[Night Wolf]

Originally posted by Catz
heheheh i take it you liked then? ;)
well, i DO talk your ear off ;)
:catz:

hehe of course...and yeah you do talk my ears off, good thing they grow back so i can listen to more lol i dont mind one bit.

plus knowing Icey now i might be able to get out and meet new people lol which i need...:thumbs:

[Mirkgirl]

Originally posted by Catz
ok well ive added a few stanzas............i cant believe i missed out Mirky mouse, Elendur and my lil honeyB ;)
so thats all rectified now ;)
:catz: LOL I just read it and might just forgive you! It's great after you catch your breath roflmao

[Tar-Vanimelde]

Originally posted by Ice Dragoness
...unfair show judges
What happened, Icey? *glares around evily (well, for Vani lol) at all mean judges in the vicinity. Which unfortunately is not many*

#Vani

[Beleg Strongbow]

Bufoonery is the priority here
anything else is just too plain queer
comments will come and they go out per force
but I want strict adherance here just for the course

If pocket-p-issing is what you require
then go to the Pony and bathe in the mire
of back-slapping, arse-kissing, carry on there
don't fill up my thread with bucketloads here

I created this thread with a purpose in mind
to get juices flowing and make minds unwind
but all I see here is a perfunctory glance
of a couple of poems and the chance circumstance

of a dance in the pants with the ants from far France
and the arts of some farts moving carts for the tarts
who were looking to race the dark people of Thrace,
but their carts were too slow so they left losing face

their faces were braces with traces of graces
of smiles wide for miles and dead teeth like turnstiles
just like in a Western with beer and stale whiskey
and girlies who always seemed just too damned frisky

But what has this rhyme got to do in this place
But to annoy the odd member and spit in their face
with the fact that it means that I'm just that too 'ornery
"Don't meddle too much with the great "Beleg's Bufoonery"

Now I'm done with the rhyme and I guess you are thinking
this guy is a nutcase! What's that I'm drinking???
To visit this place is a burden to bear
The Elf is a nut and his mind needs to air.

[Tar-Vanimelde]

Sorry Beleg dear, I see to you this thread
is more than simply a place to tread
the narrowness of our minds' distractions
in the good company of some poetic protractions

I'll try to keep my wandering fingers
to the comment that lingers
in the minds of those here
who don't drink too much beer

#Vani

[LuthienT]

lol Those are both great! lol

[Itarildë]

i agree with LT lol

[LuthienT]

Beleg fear don't fuss,
because you may start it cuss,
Instead put up you feet,
and glee in defeat,
you had a good thread,
There is nothing to fear,
so sit down and have another beer.
lol Sorry Couldn't help myself.

[Laurelin]

lol good one LT

[LuthienT]

Thank you. lol

[Tar-Vanimelde]

The windows are down, the radio up
The asphalt flashes by
Driving along with the wind in my hair
Is there anywhere I’d rather be?

Shouted conversations devolve into laughs
As the minutes flash by uncounted
The destination is forgotten
It is truly the journey that matters

On a lazy Sunday afternoon
I go for a drive to simply get away
No worries about schoolwork or laundry
The road beneath my tires and the sun at my back

Why think about the rest of it
When such distraction is available?
Let loose and let go
Take some time for yourself

Drive away from the mediocre and mundane
The wind washes everything clean
The destination is unimportant
With the windows down and the radio up


#Vani

[LuthienT]

Wow Vani you are very good at writing! Thats great!;)

[Lady Luthien]

Yes, Vani...you are talented at writing! That's a really great poem! I love the repetition of that one line, "windows down, radio up"...very effective :thumbs:

[Catz]

the kitty was stunned where she sat
cos young Beleg surprised her, in that
she had never suspected
much less expected that
he could bite even harder than the cat ;)

;) im impressed hon ;)
:catz:

[Beleg Strongbow]

Glad you liked it Kitty! It was written in the drunken haze I was in at the time and the words came gushing out...gushing being the operative word. lol

[Catz]

lol as long as it was just words that were gushing thats fine honey ;) lol
:catz:

[Laurelin]

lol Precisely what I was thinking Catz!! lol lol

[Tar-Vanimelde]

As opposed to what? *ponders for a moment* Nevermind lol

Thanks, LT and LL :smooch:

#Vani

[LuthienT]

lol I don't think we want to know Vani. lol No problem. *Hands her a rose* Bravo, Bravo, Encore, Encore! lol

[Tar-Vanimelde]

Ok, this is truely random, but I was in an odd mood and eating an apple, so....

Apples are such a lovely fruit
the firm skin breaking under knife or teeth
the solid fruit refreshing and tart/sweet
I never really rebel
licking the juice from my lips
I try to behave
enjoying the quintessence of natural life
apples the forbidden fruit
incite cravings
do I lose myself
for the red/golden/yellow/green skin
who am I behind the frontage
covering the white/pink/green sweet/juicy/tart/delectable fruit
of my conformity/good behaviour/acceptance of authority
of my craving

#Vani

[Beleg Strongbow]

quite a deep philosophy....for a fruit

[Catz]

lol well given what theyre talking about in the citadel, i just hope she stops before we get onto the bananas :elfeek: lol
nice poem Vani ;)
:catz:

[Beleg Strongbow]

There was a young girl called Vani
her philosophy; a bit too uncanny
her apples were sweet
her fruit logic elite
her mind twisted by fruity envy

[Catz]

this convo is getting i feel
rather fruity, and that is for real
tho innuendo is frowned on
i cant really resist one
and bananas just have such appeal(peel)

ok ok, so its not Shakespeare lol..he wasnt dealing with a mad alarm system and watching a group of very drunk young men at the same time ;) lol

:catz:

[Laurelin]

lol love the poems Vani, Beleg and Catz! ;)

[LuthienT]

Those are great!
There once was a girl named LT who was a loon,
She Loves and obesses over Orlando Bloom,
She needs shock waves really bad,
So help her if you can!
Pink elephants visit her everyday,
And sometimes she won't care what people say,
She starts to see things during the day,
And the shock waves are coming as they may.

[Beleg Strongbow]

drunk young men, Kitty? You been leaving wayward bottles of whiskey around the carparks again?

[Catz]

lol no hon, these guys were strictly BYO
i spotted a bottle of vodka and a wine cask at the very least ;)
gotta say tho, it IS entertaining watching a bunch of drunk guys, trying to move an even DRUNKER guy ;)
who i actually later found alseep on the boat ramp ;) lol
:catz:

[LuthienT]

lol Vodka, where?*Starts to search and goes into Cavern, starts to down a Vodka and Floats* lol And now Catz you have me too! lol Would the even drunker guy be Beleg?lol

[Beleg Strongbow]

No, it would not!!! pfbbt

[Catz]

not this time ;)

my job aint an *ahem* load of fun
all nite i sit on my bum
watching others get drunk
getting totally skunked
right up until morning has come

:catz:

[LuthienT]

Ah! Darn! No drinking buddy, mabey next time eh?lol
Another great poem Catz! lolroflmao

[Laurelin]

Man Catz...your job sucks worse than mine!! lol Here hon...*hands Catz a whiskey* :entdraught:

[Tar-Vanimelde]

Ditto entdraught Poor Catz, but at least you get to come on here and write poetry :p

#Vani

[Catz]

lol yeah thats a REAL help ;)
and its not always dull............sometimes youre run off your feet too :rolleyes: lol
and now wed best get back to ditties, or Beleg will start breathing fire again ;)

dear Beleg gets a tad uptight
when his thread is used for hype
when he sulks hes so cute
and watching is beaut
but seeing his ears steam is a sight :o ;)

heheheh sorry babe, just teasin ;) love ya :smooch:

:catz:

[LuthienT]

*Hands pain killers, whiskey and coffee* Just in case your feet start to hurt or you get a headache and the other stuff is just in case you need a boast.:) I hope things get better.

[Catz]

ooooh so do i.............ive had a terrible start to the nite....not to mention an expensive one ;)
thanks for the survival pack ;)
:catz:

[Catz]

a little ode to my talent for being in the wrong place at the wrong time ;)

i seem to be afflicted
by a strange kind of disease
i guess youd call it Murphyism
that Murphy was a dweeb
im the kind of person
who goes from pan to fire
whenever something good happens
it appears to raise fates ire
if i could, in tissue paper, myself i would wrap up
but im the only person in the world
whod bleed to death from paper cuts
i think there must be such a thing
as having anti luck
cos leaving anything to chance with me
results in things getting totally fu...............errr..........stuffed
still i guess i should be popular
like a lightning rod im crafted
to attract all of the bad luck
so others stay unshafted
maybe i should carry
a sign to make it clear
but knowing the way my luck runs
itd thump me in the ear
i seem to have a talent
or maybe its a curse
for being in the wrong place
with timeing thats the worst
im my own personal disaster
so i guess its a good thing that
given the things that happen to me
i have the nine lives of a cat

:catz:

[Telumehtar]

lol very funny catz! Murphyism...roflmao
~Telu :flamer:

[LuthienT]

No problem, let me know if you need anything else. lol Catz, another great poem.lol roflmao lol

[Tar-Vanimelde]

Very cute Catz, I just hope it isn't really all true...
I love the diplomatic
"as having anti luck
cos leaving anything to chance with me
results in things getting totally fu...............errr..........stuffed" lol

#Vani

[Laurelin]

lol Nice censorship there Vani! ;)

[Telumehtar]

yes very nice lol
~Telu :flamer:

[Catz]

hate to say it Vani, but its all true...............particularly after last nite ;) which i have to say, even for ME, was a beaut example of Murphys law in action ;)
:catz:

[Tar-Vanimelde]

Aw, what happened? And I'm sure it just makes you a more flavorful, interesting person ;)

#Vani

[Laurelin]

*hands Catz some more whiskey* Yeah Catz...go on and tell us. :)

[LuthienT]

*Joins in Circle* What happened Catz?*Brings more whiskey and takes a huge gulp*:guzzle: :beer:

[Laurelin]

*hands LT a shot and downs one too* :entdraught: Cheers, LT!

[LuthienT]

Thanks hon! lol *Hands her a whiskey* I guess we could down these too before Catz gets back! lol

[Laurelin]

Sure! Party's on! :grin: *downs another shot*

[Beleg Strongbow]

you can party...as long as you can make up some "buffoonery" about it as we're in the "Buffoonery thread remember? Not the drink alcohol and get drunk thread...

[Tar-Vanimelde]

Beleg says 'remember dear
this ain't a thread for drinkin' beer!
Unless you have some words that rhyme,
don't waste this thread's readers' time.'

:p

#Vani

[LuthienT]

Beleg dear I thought you would of known,
that along with the poems must come beer,
So please don't have a hissy fit and groan,
In this thread you have very little to fear,
We are all here to chat and have good fun,
And read and enjoy writings and poems.

[Tar-Vanimelde]

I think he doesn't want this to degenerate
into a place where we simply prate
about meaningless drivel and pointless chuff
unless it is imbedded in some poetry- like stuff

#Vani

[Beleg Strongbow]

your adherance here has got me chuffed
I'm glad you've listened to the stuff
I said about drink and idle chatter
'cause now your heads I won't have to batter.

[Catz]

oh bloody hell :rolleyes:
:catz:

[Catz]

tho his threats are somewhat apocrophal
him trying to catch me hysterical
hes had one effect
tho it is i suspect
to ensure that the doggerel is abysmal ;)

lol and thats no exception ;) do you realise how hard it is to find a rhyme for apocrophal????
:catz:

[LuthienT]

You did a good job! lol:thumbs: That is a hard word to ryhme.
Beleg, just relax, just a few drinks can't hurt. lol

[Tar-Vanimelde]

nothing wrong with slant rhyme, Catz. Especially if it's for a crazy word like that ;)

#Vani

[Beleg Strongbow]

This is just a little ditty to celebrate an era that I found amusing...


DISCO NIGHTS

Look in mirror, pimple faces
Covered up with out the traces
Of pus exploding from the mountains
In the skin like Hyde Park fountains

Spak-filla here has done the trick
So drive fast now and get there quick
Your mate will be there watching, waiting
While your still driving, anticipating

When you get there strutting in
Girls giggle wildly, and start to grin
“I’m in…they love me” is your thought
But in your fly, your shirt is caught

Your shirt is buttoned one hole down
Your colour scheme is green and brown
A fashion statement you’ve just made
“I’m 70’s girls, and on parade”

Dancing madly, legs akimbo
Flailing arms, your head in limbo
While 'Lynard Skynard' rings loud and clear
The sound of 'boom-tish' fills your ears

Disco-dancing Travolta Style
Sweat dripping off your forehead while
Your mate has gone to buy the drinks
Knowing that your dancing stinks

The night is ending, girls are leaving
Smoke & beer are stomach heaving
While you chuck up in the dark
Your mate has scored in the car-park

Walking, weaving, avoiding trouble
You travel home in the ‘beer bubble’
You’ve heaved and chucked and promptly hurled
Safe from all the outside world

Awaking from your beauty sleep
The beer & pizza start to seep
Into your throat without a fuss
To make you drive the Porcelain Bus

Here ends my tale of fun and games
The dancing’s good without the shame
Of mates with dates and snoozy booze
It’s safe to say though, that “You lose”

[Catz]

OMG:elfeek: now thems some scary memories
*rushes off to sandblast her brain again*
:catz:

[Lady Luthien]

lol that's great, Beleg :thumbs:
At times a bit graphic...but hit the nail on the head!

[Ireth]

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date.
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimmed;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance, or nature's changing course, untrimmed;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade,
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st,
Nor shall death brag thou wand'rest in his shade,
When in eternal lines to Time thou grow'st.
So long as men can breathe, or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.

[Beleg Strongbow]

That's precious Ireth my dearest, but maybe not meant for an area of nonsense in this here forum. Also, if Shakespeare knew that his writing was going to end up in a thread called "Beleg's Buffoonery" he'd turn over in his grave...lol

[Catz]

well, at last report he was corkscrewing his way across the English channel heading toward France ;) lol
:catz:

[Catz]

a ballad of the 80s was written
by Beleg our minstrel of mirth
bringing back some nitemareish memories
of a decade when of taste there was a dearth

padded shoulders bad makeup and bubbleskirts
were the least of my worries
rememberances of disco divas best forgotten
come rushing back in a flurry

of guys with all of of the god given
coordination of drunken girraffes
all blessed with the alcoholic conviction
that, "hey today i can dance"

of discos with lighting so awful
that pulling became quite a fear
you never quite knew what youd end up with
some nasty wake up calls here m'dear

of girls with the dire assurance
to wear whatever they choose
its a pity that that then included
poodle hair, legwarmers and ankleboots :elfeek:

of long hours spent in the ladies
while the gals all fluttered and flit
over some teenaged Lothario
with a white suit and zits

so im glad the 80s are over
tho i have to say i had some fun
but if i had to live em all over
id have to say, id RUN

:catz:

[Beleg Strongbow]

A worthy addition to "Buffoonery" there Kitty and it compliments my poem nicely! :thumbs:

[Catz]

why thank you kind sir ;) lol
thats me............a buffoon to the bitter end ;)
you always do seem to set me off on these little versified jags heheheh
:catz:

[LuthienT]

No your not a buffon, you are crazy and thats thats why we love ya!

There once was an Elf named Beleg,
Who could not eat Kellogs,
No matter how hard tried to eat,
The delicous bowl in front of his seat,
He could not eat that one bowl of food,
And so it turns out hes a crazy dude!

[Beleg Strongbow]

When I try to eat Kellogs, my brain goes all funny
the milk on the cereal starts to look gummy
the cereal swells up to massive proportions
and bloats out my tummy with internal distortion

after an hour I start to look pregnant
and all my friends comment, "we wonders where Scott went?"
"all we see here is a bloated old fatty
who body's exploded, not really pretty.

[Catz]

so he just has to take
that last fatal spoon
causing an explosion
Scottie fall down go BOOM

the kitty walks in
nose wrinkled in disgust
fastidiously avoiding
stepping in Scottie guts

who fed him brekkie?
id like to know
cos someone shouldve told em
he was likely to blow

and now we have spaces
that are draped tastefully
with unidentifable wobbly bits
his innards spread externally

:catz:

[Tirithel]

You two are gross. That's all I'm going to contribute.

:rolleyes: lol

[Tar-Vanimelde]

lol Who knew, 80's reminicences and wobbly bits in such close conjuntion. lol I particularly love

fastidiously avoiding
stepping in Scottie guts
from the kitty. So caring :p

#Vani

[Catz]

well??? ;)
if i wasnt being caring id just step on em ;) lol
and "gross" is such a negative term Tiri lol
:catz:

[LuthienT]

lol I find them hysterical, I will just say that. lol

[Catz]

hmmmm havent posted in here for a bit.......have to remedy that..and who knows, it might keep me awake ;)lol

im having a little trouble
my own making some would say
i cant seem to keep my eyes open
guess i should have slept today
but i was really WAY too busy
and now because of that
my eyelids are getting heavy
into my Key Board im about to splat
ive tried propping them with matches
tho ill tell one thing for free
poking yourself in the eyeball
aint too much fun you see
the sticky tapes a good idea
apart from one small flaw
thats the removal of your eyebrows
and some of your skin whats more :o
so if you hear a noise that sounds
like a harley Davidson Big Bore
its only the kitty fast asleep
and having a lil snore ;)

:catz:

[Tar-Vanimelde]

Bravo! Can I steal a line or two for my sig? ;)

#Vani

[Catz]

lol some sig Vani ;) but go for it.............its scary how my mind works when im tired really lol.........i cant put together a coherent sentence right now, but i can waffle on in rhyme *shakes her head* :rolleyes: lol
:catz:

[Tar-Vanimelde]

Tired you may be, but you can still crank out some funny poetry lol

#Vani

[LuthienT]

lol Yes you can. Whenever I am tired my mind is blank. How do you do poetry when tired?lol A pure genious I tell you!

[Catz]

this is an ode to Bawax
my dear lil honey B
hes got a tendency to melt
fangirls……….hearts…….. you see

hes a real lil cutie
and they all think hes a hon
the thought of him in uniform
can make the girlies……………………errrrr……hum ;)

but hes my buddy too
tho over pics we tangle
I'm still waiting for proof
That it really IS the angle

Show me yours ill show you mine
Is what hes said to me
But I've already seen it
I'm ahead of the game you see ;)

So well wait and see the outcome
Of the piccie battle
I'm just after proof of claims
If I sent him one hed be rattled

:catz:

[Ireth]

The Beer Prayer
Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk),
At home as it is in the tavern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillage,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not to incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers.
For thine is the beer, the bitter, and the lager.
Barmen.


I found this and thought it was funny...see I share!

[LuthienT]

lol More great poems! Right now I am just a critic, I can't conjure up any poems right now, my mind is blank with ideas right now.lol

[Tar-Vanimelde]

I know how that goes, my creativity doesn't hang around much lol But I love the Baxaw poem, very cleverly clean ;)
Ireth, where'd you find that? lol

#Vani

[Catz]

lol i dont think anyones ever said that about one of my poems before, Vani lol
thought it was about time i did one for my lil petal ;) lol
:catz:

[Bawax]

hehehe, i like it cuddlemuffin.

you are right though i think i would be rattled if i got a picture, i haven't checked my email out for a couple of days so i may have a surprise in store. :rolleyes: lol

[Catz]

oh hon i KNOW you would ;) lol
its almost worth doing it just for that reason alone :naughty: ;)
but i still think that if i time it right i can get you to send "the" pic without any reciprocation from yours truly ;) lol
:catz:

[Ireth]

The Truth About Drink Driving

I read this in the paper,
And it really made me think;
That a quarter of all road accidents
Can be blamed... directly... on drink.

Now statistics, they tell you, will never lie,
But be wary of how they're used;
You need your wits about you,
It's easy to get confused.

If a quarter of accidents are had by drunks,
Then sober people have all the rest;
That's 75% if I'm not mistaken,
... (My maths never were the best).

But I'm not entirely stupid,
And I plan to stay alive;
So I'm gonna start driving drunk,
I'm three times more likely to survive.

Copyright; Ian Mackay - May 1995


Note: This is not to be taken seriously. Driving while drunk is dangerous. Drink responsibly. Now pass me a beer :p

[Catz]

an ode to the new forums

well here we are again
back online thank god
and tho the place looks similar
the changes are definitely not

who is that i hear moaning
"theres too many buttons here"?
and i see a few other people
wandering, peeking here and there

well, i cant find my PMs
and i seem to be lost
maybe Illu you should have issued
ropes from post to post ;)

tho im sure we'll all adapt
we'll adjust, i cant deny
all we have to do
is show Beleg how to "quick reply"

and rescue those whove lost their way
thats assuming i can find
them at all , its confusing really
the blind leading the blind ;)

:catz:

[Illuvatar]

lollollol

Catz..you are too much!!

Shhhhh........one can find their pm's under the quick links drop down....hehe

*Hands everybody just enough rope to..........*

And it pleases me to no end,
that after hours and hours of editing, and hacking, and replacing this and that,
she finds that the new place at least looks similar.
So said......the Cat! :p

[Catz]

lol yeah and youll notice that ive cleared all mine now that i can download them so easily......i LIKE that feature ;)
the kitty is good
shes cleared all her stuff
and now she can start again
to fill it all up ;)
:catz:

[Beleg Strongbow]

I'm still not getting my EMAIL ALERTS!

warning: This is not buffoonery, just a whinge, and I will continue to whinge until I get an email alert in my email for heaven's sake!

[Catz]

so if you can whinge in here, how come we cant?
:catz:

[Beleg Strongbow]

well, I put in a disclaimer there, you may notice...

[Catz]

lol so i can whinge as long as i tell people im gonna??...........and i feel i should warn you that i could whinge for my country ;) lol
:catz:

[Beleg Strongbow]

no....'cause it's my thread and I say I'm the only one allowed to whinge..besides, it's not good for you to whinge. People expect it from me!

[Catz]

oooh get you!!!
its ok...........ive gotten the whinge out of my system now, thanks to a very patient wolf ;) lol
:catz:

[Lady Arien]

Please don't "whinge" about your email notifications...apparently, no one is getting them, and it's on the list of things to be sorted, and will be dealt with in its turn...thanks for your patience!!

[Tirithel]

I'd do a little 'whinging' if I knew what the heck it was...Beleg, you can have my email alerts if you want 'em.

Merry Christmas, buddy! :)

[Catz]

lol i thought whinging was a word in common usage, but it appears to be antipodean ;)

the origin of to "whinge"
isnt quite lunatic fringe
its an Aussie intoning
for an expression of moaning
thats enough to drive you unhinged ;)

:catz:

[Beleg Strongbow]

well, I'm glad that some can see the funny side of things!

[Catz]

lol well you know me sweety.............well known for my sense of humour in adversity :rolleyes:
yes i can see you laughing at that thought Beleg ;)
:catz:

[Beleg Strongbow]

well...the last couple of posts have cheered me up anyways! It would be agreeable if others could see the funny side of my twisted humour.

[Catz]

ahhh sweety, youre not twisted..................well, not much ;)
id go for gently warped myself ;)
far more interesting than straight and narrow ;)
:catz:

[Tirithel]

:elfeek:

Wow I need to get my mind out of the gutter...dirty dirty dirty...

[Beleg Strongbow]

Now, I know that this is the "Buffoonery" thread, and although this is not quite prose or poetry, I found it hilarious...

Sleepy Bush Supporter (http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A43501-2004Apr1_2.html)

As they say...a picture is worth a thousand words...

[Catz]

lol doesnt that come under the heading of child abuse, makin' the poor kid sit thru that?
:catz:

[Eledhwen]

**eledh peeks in**

Have I found the Vale of Buffoons?
Renowned from here to the moon?
I can’t get over my luck
If I work up some pluck
Might I add my insanity soon?

**not waiting for the reponse, she continues**

An Ode to Moste Marvellous Buffoonerye

Beleg’s buffoonery
A wondrous cartoonery
Of characters great and small

An unusual spoonery
Of amazing rhyme goonery
To Rhyme what Fame is to the Hall

Anti Orlando swoonery
Makes for amusing loonery
And many chuckles as I go on my way

Not later but soonery
I read this virtual moonery
Taking heart as I get through the day
:grin:

[Catz]

lol thats wonderful Ele.............an apt description if i do say so myself ;) lol
:catz:

[Beleg Strongbow]

Yay Ele! I laughed until I stopped!! lol

It's amazing what comes out of the mind when we dig deep enough. Who said any of us ever had to make any sense, eh?

[Catz]

well hell hon.................why start now ;) lol
:catz:

[Eledhwen]

Sense. It's highly overrated. :cool:

Thankee very much good sir and lady. Hope I don't scare you now, but I submit now the most ... er ... surreal thing I've ever written - on a rainy March afternoon - for a friend with a wombat *ahem* fixation...

wombats in a muddle
in the middle of a puddle
playing with a fiddle
as they sit there in the middle

notes are in a fuddle
falling down into the puddle
as the wombats splash the middle
of the leaky-noted fiddle

it's all in a fiddle fuddle
scared notes in the puddle huddle
'cuz the wombats in the middle
are just losing it a little

they look 'round for a paddle
panicked notes start to skedaddle
but the paddle's for the fiddle
that's become a nasty riddle

scoop the notes all in a huddle
give them hugs and a quick cuddle
wombats stuff them in the fiddle
and put the paddle in the middle

wombats play the fuddled fiddle
in the puddle, in the middle
notes dance out on to the paddle
minds are reeling, brains are addled

they skitter, scatter, all befuddled
falling where they were just huddled
wombats reeling, muddled, riddled
just stare blankly at the fiddle

swaying notes begin to taddle
round the fiddle and the paddle
to the wombats for a cuddle
and sit in the puddle huddled

wombats in the middle
of a muddle with a fiddle
riddled and befuddled
still just sit there
... in the puddle

:grin:

[Catz]

lol i like it...........tho the frequency that australian marsupials turn up around here is starting to concern me................*looks at Beleg suspiciously*

for some reason we seem to be marsupial
at least one per forum seems to be typical
in one we have several platypi
if you wandered in you might think you were high
for Beleg koalas seem to be his schtick
and no, if youre wondering that ISNT sick
tho intertrouser ferrets may well be
which ofc has NOTHING to do with me ;)
and now we have wombats with muddy rears
according to Ele, now aint that queer?
and thats just the aussie beasts wandering here
less said about the elephants is best i fear
the hedgehogs seem to be taking a hiatus
no prickly purple guys here to berate us
so im wondering if what we really should do
is change the sites name to War of the Zoo ;)

:catz:

[Eledhwen]

:hooray: War of the Zoo! I love it! lol That was great Catz! Erm...I would ask about the intertrouser ferrets ... but on second thought ... I may not want to know...

[Beleg Strongbow]

both of you deserve medals for your contributions to the Buffoonery in here! It's getting harder for me to try to be sillier than you two!

Don't ask me about the the ferrets either Ele....I've forgotten where it all started...lol

[Catz]

*swoons* sillier than YOU Beleg???
thats praise indeed ;) lol
ummm all i remember is that the first ferret was never the same again :o
:catz:

[Catz]

DISCLAIMER:im kinda overtired..........which may explain the following ;)


The Rhymers Song
Hey and a ho,
Oh what fun it is to be
A rhymer of rank nonsense
In the buffoonery

None of it need make
Any sense at all
Just come up with a rhyme
And have yourself a ball

With a hey and a ho and a hey nonny no
A rhyming we will go

The subject matter can be
Near anything you wish
From fanatical fangirls
To belting folks with fish

The personal characteristics
Of everyone around
Can be an inspiration
At least so I've found

With a hey and a ho and a fiddle de dee
Come join in the insanity

Weve tales of woe and wonder
Well not really, but
It sounds good to say that
And better than “here be nuts”

Tho you may indeed wonder
As I admit that I have done
Just what the writers of these verses
Were, in fact, on

With a hey and a ho and a laa laa de dah
Youll not see stranger stuff near or far

We lay our verses out here
For your perusal gentle reader
In the hope that youll enjoy them
the work of us busy beavers

So come to the Buffoonery
And have a little smile
We make up in enthusiasm
What we may be lacking in style

With a hey and a ho and a fa lal de roll
A little nuttiness is good for the soul

:catz:

[Eledhwen]

hey dol! merry dol! deedle daddle diddle
i can only add to kitty's rhyme with my fondness for fiddles!

hey dol! merry dol! derry dol me hearties!
we use whatever words we want because we are such smarties!

beleg dear you need not fret that we'll outdo you in silly
we know quite well that we cannot - you're king of the willy-nilly!

derry dol! did that make sense? werry derry dumpling!
it doesn't matter merry ones - it stopped my rhyme from crumpling!


Catz, I bask in your brilliance... lol :cool:

[Beleg Strongbow]

roflmao

lol...brilliant! The both of you. Now I'm going to be a little repetitious and stick this in here even though I had it in Vani's Court. I just feel it would be better suited here...

This is just my statement to Gil in reply to his observations on Death.

Some can die in the blink of any eye.
Others just linger on
One can trip and fall a long way
Another can starve and then pass away

One can be dead from a bump on the head
From a crow bar wielded by some.
A gunshot is quicker than a slit wrist
Or a jab to the temple with a hard fist

Death is obtuse with a hangman's noose
It turns one blue in the face
Cerebreal Haemorrhage can do the trick
Nasty for some, but still pretty quick

Caught in a mincer would make me a wincer
Saddam had one so 'tis said
Heart palpitations will cause "Battle Stations!"
and guns are the favourite of most every nation!

Blowfish is Fugu if cooked by a Guru
Yet kills in the blink of an eye
Some parts are quite nice with the right sort of spice
Though, if I were to cook it, death would come in a thrice.

So Death is a joker, with a keen eye for poker
He'll deal out the cards and then wait
You may think that your canny and avoid the bum's rush
But in the end, Death has the Royal Flush.

[Catz]

i like that one............then again , i AM warped ;)
but its very clever Beleg
im afraid when im feeling off colour all youll get out of me is nonsense ;)
and speaking of nonsense, nice additon there Ele lol...........heheh i love the way you play with word sounds :thumbs:
:catz:

[Eledhwen]

Blowfish is Fugu if cooked by a Guru roflmao
Oh my - I love it! I should be probably be scared. Brilliantly warped sir!

Hehe... Thanx Catz - I think it comes from reading Dr. Seuss books to my son five thousand times ... OK ... and I have to admit a certain *fetish* for Bombadil... :shhh: lol

[Catz]

ok so this work PC is........................annoying me ;) lol

i have to admit that my
MSN makes me want to cry
it never does what
i want it to much
and at work, service it just denies

when it says that its working i know
that its really getting ready to blow
i tear out my hair
all i want is it there
but its not, so my irritation grows

well im sure youve heard of road rage
that feeling with which drivers may engage
when theyre pushed to the brink
well this pc i think
has pushed my blood pressure straight off the gauge

a connection that will steady be
is all that i want from this PC
but i neednt bother
cos like every other
computer, this is possessed you see

theres an apprentice demon you see
whose job is to cause insanity
in the unsuspecting users
the poor unwary losers
who engage in working with a PC

:catz:

[Catz]

The Flu Blues
My muse has abandoned ship
My get up and go has done got
My energy levels are stripped
This kittys not feeling so hot

A throat that feels like its sandblasted
And a voice like Skywalker senior
With vicks vapour rub I am plastered
A scarier sight you’ve not seen here


Oooh I got the flu
I got the flu blues
Well my nose is drippin away
In my bed I wanna stay

In tissues I'm up to my ears
Cos everyone knows how it goes
A supply I have used that would last years
I need to change the washers in my nose

And fluids I'm ingesting at a rate
It really does make you feel bloated
All the toilet dashes are really great
And on that I'm quite happy to be quoted

Oooh I got the flu
I got the flu blues
I need more tissues right this minute
I need the toilet but theres someone in it

With eyes that wont go past half mast
And aches in any and all spaces
I wouldn’t see an elephant walk past
I've discovered pains where I didn’t know I had places

My nose is doing Rudolph impressions
Ie: it glows in the dark
My brain appears to be in recession
And id appreciate no smart remarks ;)

Oooh I got the flu
I got the flu blues
My brain is leakin out my ears
And the eyes of folks my nose sears

If I wanted I could fry an egg
Which would be useful if i ate em
Upon my pounding forehead
And you can take that from me verbatim

And Murphy has struck, that damn...........tyke
All in all I'm feeling quite irate
That it waited till I was off work to strike
I'm going back to bed to hibernate

Oooh I got the flu
I got the flu blues
Well this song is pretty biological
and quite definitely not idealogical

:catz:

[Beleg Strongbow]

you know....I may not appear to display emotion much, but I have to say right here and now....can you stop writing? I can't stop laughing because I'm imagining this being sung with all your M's & N's sounding like B's & D's....

For someone who reckons that their muse has abandoned ship, then maybe that's a good thing because he/she was stifling you!! lol

[Catz]

dank you sweedy lol *sniffle* ;)

i appreciate the thoughts lol and im glad it amused you........i WAS gonna write it like that actually but it was too much for my poor brain to cope with so i didnt ;) lol
:catz:

[Catz]

with apologies to Lennon and McCartney ;)
this is for Beleg, who appears to be in hiding ;) lol


to the tune of Hey Jude.........just in case you hadnt worked that out already ;)
Hey Dude
Hey dude
Don’t make it bad
Take a valium
That might make it better
The minute you give any of em an inch
Then you start to become fan girl dinner

Hey dude
Don’t be afraid
Tho its scary as hell, if I was a better
Id give you good odds on getting away
Cos when youre scared no one runs better

And any time you feel the pain
Hey dude restrain
Yourself from the girly screaming please
Cos well you know that its fangirls
Who do their thing
By grabbing at any bit within reach
Na na na na na na na na na

Hey dude
Don’t let me down
Tho your nether bits are under debate
Remember that if you stay behind me
Then you wont end up on a fangirl plate

So don’t sit about run for the hills
Hey dude, get goin
I don’t know how long I can hold em off for
And well you know that its fangirls
Who scare me most
Even tho its you that’s getting the offers
Na na na na na na na na na

Hey dude
Don’t make it bad
Take a valium
That might make it better
The minute you give any of em an inch
Then you start to become fan girl dinner

Na na na na na na na
Na na na na
Hey dude

[Catz]

An Ode To Ferrets............or.......The Story of Tailess Fro and the Crack of Doom
This is a ferrets tail
And a story of bravery and guts
A standard by which others pale
And an explanation of why ferrets don't like nuts

A ferret there was called Fro
A comely wee chap so they said
The other ferrets all said hey Bro
Your uncle is cracked in the head

His uncle was Bill, and he had
walnuts that were magic said he
It really was rather sad
Coc no one believed him you see

Least of all Fro who being a
Typical teen wanted no more than to
Be able to party and play
That's a euphemism for something quite crude

But his uncle said "no silly boy
These walnuts are evil incarnate
they must be totally destroyed
By inserting in the trousers of a primate

And its not just any monkey relative!!!"
He shrieked as over Fro he did loom
"The effort to do it would be superlative
It must go to the crack of doom!!!"

"So whos crack is that?" Queried Fro
Thinking "well hes finally lost it"
"Its that of the legendary Strongbow
Whose pants must be braved to desposit

This kernal of evil intentions
And I've something I want you to do
If in my will you want to rate a mention
This task is appointed to YOU"

So Fro being a rabble rouser
Decided to take on this task
To brave the legendary trousers
And prove himself more than a farce

And after many adventures dire
He crested a hilltop to view
Rising above the chat room mire
A full moon not a new

Tho it was then that his nerve did fail
And he muttered "well bugger this
I think I might just turn tail
And give the Crack of Doom a miss"

But as he turned to make tracks
He still held ready the walnuts to toss
But he didn't reckon on catz
And alas this was to his loss

For by the tail he was grabbed
And stuffed where ferrets fear to tread
He feared that he would go mad
But he bit the nuts instead

And indeed they DID have magic power
For a genie at once appeared
Tho even the Djin did cower
Those trousers were truly feared

The djin said ill get you out without fail
Tho youll have to pay a great price
My bargain is I take your tail
And ill have you out in a trice

So Fro agreed what could he do?
And the genie got his spell started
And just in time for Fro too
Cos at that moment Beleg farted

Poor fro was never the same
And theres really no ifs or buts
Tho he garnered great ferret fame
For intertrouser biting of nuts

And that's how the whole ferret thing started
You may think that I'm just a loon
But it's a tale that's regularly imparted
Tailess Fro and Belegs Crack of Doom

:catz:

[Beleg Strongbow]

well, I'd just like to state for the record that I don't fart. I "pass wind"...and besides that...is this suitable chat content? I'm scared that the "Fun Police" will see fit to remove this wonderful piece of work!

[Catz]

well shhhhhhh then ;) we should be alwight if were vewy vewy qwuiet ;)
actually i asked mirky if she thought it was ok and she passed it ;) lol..........when shed done giggling ;)
:catz:

[Eledhwen]

roflmao roflmao roflmao roflmao roflmao aahahahahahaaaaa Brilliant ... sorry that's all i can manage right now... *wipes tears and tries to be quiet so office fun police won't fire her* Beleg, you sir are an Immortal - or maybe an Immoral. :grin:

Catz ... notworthy ... heeeheeheeeee

[Tar-Vanimelde]

how can you guys be so consistantly hilarious? I just don't get it lol I can't stop laughing, I love this thread :p

#Vani

[Beleg Strongbow]

well, there you go Vani! I was totally unaware that I was being consistantly funny...maybe partially funny, or spasmodically funny...perhaps retrospectively funny...in retrospect...

hhmmm...


what was I saying?

[Catz]

you were consistantly spasming in a partially retrospective manner sweety ;)
*watches him with interest* actually , is IS kinda funny ;) lol
*hands Beleg a pint of Guinness* i think m'dear, that you can say that this thread is most definitely a success..........heres to many more moments of poetic idiocy ;)
cheers entdraught
:catz:

[Polly Sandybanks]

Hahahaa... that was a great poem Catz!! lol

[Tar-Vanimelde]

*hands Beleg a pint of Guinness* i think m'dear, that you can say that this thread is most definitely a success..........heres to many more moments of poetic idiocy ;)
cheers entdraught
:catz:
;) entdraught here's to the resident poets, who keep the rest of us happily entertained

#Vani

[Beleg Strongbow]

well, thanks for the praise Vani, but I know that you can open the floodgates and give us a bit of your witty repartee as well!

[Catz]

lol in other words hes tired of me drivelling on ;)
i agree too..........come on you lot, some more please ;)
:catz:

[Beleg Strongbow]

silly Kitty
I'm not bored
I'm not sh1tty
you're not ignored

the others here
have no input
a poem or two
would make me feel good!

[Catz]

lol well done hon ;)
and i DID agree..............id like to see some more stuff in here too ;)
:catz:

[Tar-Vanimelde]

a poem, says you? is that what you wish?
how about an ode to fish...
no that won't work, what is there to say
in a poem praising fish all day.
how about a rhyme rich sestina-
thats' too much work and I lack the arena
of words at my disposal to stun and amaze
so I'll settle for now with a silly phase
and babble empty blatherings
in this thread of poetic gatherings

.....

(forgive me, far to tired to be trying this lol)

#Vani

[Catz]

lol thats wonderful Vani, made me giggle ;)
:catz:

[Tar-Vanimelde]

thats good then ;)

eh, inspiration is probably on my pillow, so I haven't seen it recently, nor will I shortly... :p

#Vani

[Beleg Strongbow]

I laughed enough to send me to the medicine cabinet to take another aspirin.

[Catz]

honey, sneezing would send you to the medicine cabinet for more aspirin ;)
oooh on second thoughts sneezing wouldnt be a good idea with you in your delicate state ;)
hmmmm i think i feel a poem coming on ;) :naughty: lol
:catz:

[Beleg Strongbow]

I'm already scared...

[Catz]

well dont be...............ive changed my mind so you can rest easy..........not feeling in a humourous mood anymore
:catz:

[Tar-Vanimelde]

*hands Beleg an easy-open bottle of asprin* for when Catz gets her stride back ;)

#Vani

[Catz]

oh do you see the red moons rise
above the porcelain hills
oh no its only Belegs eyes
head shoved down the loo, being ill

oh he looks a real sight just now
a rhapsody in chartruse
with blood shot eyes and sweaty brow
from whisky overuse

the sound effects are there as well
theyre really polyphonic
who would have thought that someones bowel
could be so histrionic?

so let this be a lesson mates
tho drink can make one frisky
unless you wish to regurgitate
take it easy on the whisky

love ya Beleg :cuddles: ;)

:catz:

[Polly Sandybanks]

LOL That's another lovely poem catz! ;) lol

[Beleg Strongbow]

lovely? I don't know about lovely for crying out loud! It's talking about my internal motionings...eeeeeep! :elfeek:

[Catz]

well thats better than your nekkid tushie isnt it? :elfeek: lol:catz:

[Eledhwen]

lol love that poem Catz!

tushies, ferrets, whisky, the loo
a typical day for this poetry crew
beleg's on aspirin, kitty's on par
the pen and the medicine are never too far

here all the while my day looked so dull
so i dropped in for a sweet, poetical lull
and to add in a wombat where wombats are few
to the ferrets and fish and the rest of the zoo

vani is blathering - she's on a roll
things seem comfortingly out of control
guinness and whisky, brandy and rum
are all needed here - dum dee dum dum

see, words aren't needed, or even required
they get in the way when drunkly inspired
but take a note from kitty's dire tale
or the porcelain god will get the best of your ale

:cool:

[Catz]

lol *wipes tears from her eyes*brilliant..........just bloody brilliant Ele
thank you so much for that gem of a a piece, i LOVE it lol
:catz:

[Tar-Vanimelde]

Ah, my day is better. I love you all! *sits down laughing*

#Vani

[Catz]

lol glad to hear it Vani
ok im distinctly worried that i appear to be inspired by the fact that fangirls want to see Beleg nakkie :elfeek: lol

Beleg nakkie seems to be a draw
The fangirls seem to all be panting for
Pictures of him sans pyjamas
With or without a shot of his banana
I've gotta say tho in the one i could find
Hes very cute, but all behind
Which is ofc probably a good thing
At least its not a close up of HIS ring
By this remark I mean a piercing
I've seen Bs, it was enlightening
As for Scotties Banana I've gotta say
Hope he got the dent out the other day :o
I shall leave yall with words that are very wise
To prevent knee jerks and watering eyes ;)
“Its not the mouth it comes from”, as the saying goes
“but the mind it goes into”, dontcha know lol

:catz:

[Tar-Vanimelde]

Nice Catz, per usual you manage to bring out the comedic in scary situations ;)
Ah, so that was the picture, eh? Or was that just poetic liscence? lol

#Vani

[Catz]

:shhh: :elfeek: hearnoevil :rolleyes: :p lol ;)
:catz:

[Tar-Vanimelde]

heheheh, good answer. I won't tell.... :shhh: ;)

#Vani

[Beleg Strongbow]

let me tell you Vani...I have to say that the Kitty has been very clever...as she's made references in there to my banana which is my mode of transport. I'll leave it to you to figure that out!! As Kitty said...it's not the mouth it comes out of...but the mind it goes into. lol

[Catz]

eeeeeeeeek hes agreed with me!!!
TWICE!!!!
in ONE post!!!!
*worries* lol
:catz:

[Tar-Vanimelde]

Wow, I'm shocked! And the poem has an all new meaning now... ;)
Does that imply that I have a dirty mind? That's not suggested often lol

#Vani

[Beleg Strongbow]

Yes...you have a dirty mind! I call my car the 'Banana' as it is bright yellow!

[Catz]

and we are talking YELLOW here and not just yellow, trust me ;) lol
:catz:

[Polly Sandybanks]

LOL I trust you.. I saw it. ;) It was a nice car though. A nice banana. Ehm.... or whatever. lol

[Tar-Vanimelde]

lol thanks for the visual, Catz...

Beleg- and why do you drive a bright yellow car? Just asking ;)

#Vani

[Catz]

cos like all musos he has a shy and retiring nature ? :rolleyes: ;) lol
:catz:

[Polly Sandybanks]

lol Maybe he just wants to be a bit different?

There's also the tiny possibility that he might actually like yellow!!! :o :rolleyes:

[Beleg Strongbow]

THAT'S not the the reason....I just happen to like yellow. I've had three yellow cars in my life. It's good because most people over here are as boring as dirt and when I go into a carpark, I can spot my car easily. Most cars over here are white, silver, black or dark blue.

mine is yellow...

I would have posted a small piccy of it here, but I notice that the IMG tags have been taken off us.

[Catz]

lol so its NOT your shy and retiring nature then? ;) (funny, i seem to recall having had this convo before ;) lol )
heheh well i gotta say it suits you, tho its not something id do.........i DO tend to think of you as a sunny sort of person sweety
and thats your compliment for the day ;).........now back to teasing the daylights outta ya ;)
:catz:

[Catz]

Beleg has a banana, its a real beauty
its the brightest buttercup yellow
tho i really do feel it is my duty
to reassure those of you fellows
who feel that this may be fruity
for its really not
its just hes got
a car that could be a canary bird
the colour appeals to his nature
hes a retiring soul youll have observed
hes really NOT a foward creature :rolleyes:
this in spite of what you might have heard
hes a muso boy
with his yellow toy

:catz:

[Polly Sandybanks]

That was another great piece catz! :) notworthy

[Tar-Vanimelde]

I love the clarification this time, saves interesting interpretations from being put forward ;) lol
Yes, I can see that yellow would be easy to spot... you must stand out, eh? ;)

#Vani

[Catz]

somehow Vani, i suspect Beleg would always stand out, banana or no ;) lol
:catz:

[Catz]

heres a word in praise of lunacy
im an expert in mental truancy
bein a fool isnt simple
even with the aid of dimple
tho im workin on idiot fluency

and a lil addtion to the Beleg LEGS canon

Belegs Legs
I have to say that I don’t quite see
The attraction that Belegs bits engender
the desire to see photography
of the fangirls, is a bit of a mind bender

images of his nekkid pins
to some seem to have great appeal
tho personlly one pair of hairy shins
is much like another I feel

tho I gotta say I found it funny
that no matter what the reason
you did look cute in the raincoat honey
and you can say you went with your boots on

Its really quite amazing to see
The way you’ve got em lined up
All for a glimpse of your uncovered knees
Or a shot of your cherubic butt ;)


:catz:

[Tar-Vanimelde]

What can I say, it's your way with words, Catz. We're all drooling at the thought of those "nekkid pins" and "hairy shins" lol ;)

#Vani

[Catz]

ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
;) lol
:catz:

[Tar-Vanimelde]

Now Catz, don't hide you're feelings, you should really just tell us how you feel. It's good to let things out, be expresive. Subtly gets one nowhere.

#Vani

[Catz]

ok then ;)
now that Beleg has called the bluff of the fangirls.............yeah thanks for that hon, i coulda made a bit outta that pfbbt :nono: *sighs* but never mind ;) lol

Care must be taken navigating the boards
Theres new perils involved today
Baby tushies and hairy legs
Its an interesting experience I gotta say

Theres something of a silence in the army
Tho some were begging afore the fact
In fact some are now searching for topics
Its kinda fun to read back

To see whos kinda quiet now
but who begged before most eagerly
And whos wanting to change the subject
With expeditious expediency

It was just what I said it was
I dunno why it disappointed
A pair of hairy pins exposed
Maybe more was expected?? :o

So much tho I hate to admit
That Belegs right about stuff
He really did shut people up
Simply by calling their bluff

It seems that some like the tushie one
The lil cherub sans kit
Its been requested to be sent
So I guess you could call that a hit

tho I dunno that id be impressed
passing around my baby pics
All over the world on PCs
But then, I'm not an exhibitionist ;)

But I must confess to finding em cute
Tho I truly dread to think
To appear dressed as he did
Just how much Scottied had to drink ;)

The hangover the next day
Would have been something to see
Tho I guess if your tossin your cookies
That raincoat wouldve come in handy

So when navigating Orlis Army
In conclusion id just suggest
You wear dark shades unless
You want to observe the Belegfest

:catz:

[Polly Sandybanks]

LOL lol

nice one catz :)