Depression...

[Striderfan]

Okay, I know that this might be a, well, depressing thread, I've just been really distraught lately and I wondered if any of you might have some advice or some tips. You see, 5 days ago one of my close friends was so depressed she cut her arm with a razor and was in the pysc ward of the hospital on 24 hour surveillance for the last week...now she's back at school and she seems her happy, normal self, but I'm still totally freaked out about her. What really worries me too is that she seems to think it wasn't a big deal, and she thinks we're all overreacting...you almost DIED, do you think I should UNDERreact??!!??! Anyways, do you guys have any advice on what I could do to help her or anything like that??? Anything would be greatly appreciated :)

[Ice Dragoness]

Just because a person appears happy and normal, it usually means their hiding it all.

There isnt much you can do, you cant force people to magically get better from depression. But you can be there, be her shoulder to cry on, let her vent her anger to you....just be her friend.

It'll mean a lot more to her than being nagged about it

[Striderfan]

I know, I don't nag her, it's just that I care so much about her that I can't HELP but be concerned...

[Ice Dragoness]

You should be concerned, but there isnt much you can do except be there for her...and be her mate.

Self Injury is tricky, its so easy to hide and pretend there's nothing wrong. Is she doing to counselling? Could her and all of her friends possibly see the school counselling so everyone's feelings can get out in the open

And hugs can be the best pick me up whenever someone is feeling down

[Cosmic Aurora]

I don't think you're overreacting at all! You're just really worried about her..and u should be! And i know it can be hard for a depressed person to open up immediately so all I can say is let her know that you'll always be there for her and whenever she needs someone to talk to, she can always come to you! Letting them know that there's someone in the world who really cares would help!

[Night Wolf]

cutting is a form of release and 99.9% of cutters will never go deep enough to severrly hurt themself...and there is no thought of suicide, but being in such a state, so low that the only way to release that is cutting. i know it may sound dumb but i've been there, if you get pushy or even try and help her you will be pushed away and in effect she wont want you as a friend.

i havnt done it in a while, and it was never deep enough to cause permanent scarring...but for a time, it helped.

just be there for her, talk to her...but a cutter will only stop because they want to stop.

[Catz]

yeah the only thing i can add is...................well whats already been said..............just BE there
dont judge, dont try to make it better.............just listen if they want to talk and hold em if they want to cry.............and hardest of all, leave them be if they want space too
:catz:

[Striderfan]

Thanks you guys, you're words really do mean a lot to me. :) Yeah, she's getting counseling now at school...they were thinking at first to put her on some sort of drug, but then they decided not to because if she is bi-polar then it could set off a manic mood or something like that...one thing I am glad about is that she assured us it wasn't a suicide attempt. But if feel so GUILTY, I had NO idea that there was anything serious wrong in her life, I had NO idea that she was that sad, maybe if I had only been more aware of her depression before she got so bad....oh hell, i dunno.

[Cosmic Aurora]

Aww... *pats Striderfan on the back* it's not your fault! Some people just have an excellent way of hiding their feelings and you don't notice don't notice it until something drastic happens. But at least now you understand and hopefully things will get better from here on. ;)

[Lady Arien]

Well guys, like Night Wolf, I've been there too...and it's true, usually, cutters aren't trying to commit suicide....if I could simplify the urge and the action in one sentence, it would be "I can't manage the pain inside of me, but I CAN manage the pain on the outside, " meaning, it's like turning a valve to let off steam....unfortunately, it's not really a way of dealing with whatever is on the inside...the whole process becomes an escape, much like an alcoholic or addict drinks or uses to escape the pain. In therapy, sometimes inpatient, cutters are treated like recovering addicts...learning to talk about what's going on before trying to run away from it...not an easy thing, by any means. As a recovering addict/anorexix/cutter (I've been in recovery for 16 years, but had a relapse on cutting last year...I am willing to share about that via PM if anyone wishes to ask me about it) I've had to dig deep to get to the core of the pain, and it's been worth it, but no one...and I mean NO ONE, could help me until I was willing to help myself.

Striderfan...I want to reassure you that you have NO reason to feel guilty....those of us who participate in this behavior are masters of the "good face"....self esteem, or rather, lack of it, is at the heart of the issue...any confrontation, especially from those who love me, seems to back me into a corner and make me want to withdraw more....I know they're tryilng to help, but if I'm caught in layers of shame behind what I feel and what I've done about it, I don't want to feel even less of a person by showing you what's inside....honestly, those who love me the most are really too close to do much for me when I'm in that place....the best you can do for your friend is be a source of loving support, but don't take it personally if she withdraws and doesn't want to talk....for now, it's the nature of the beast....there are professionals who are trained to draw these things out and be the safety nets when the mask finally crumbles....sometimes it takes something akin to a nervous breakdown (my therapist called it a "calming breakthrough") to make the walls come down...she needs to be in a safe place for that to happen...hopefully she'll find one.

One last note...as far as drugs are concerned, anti-depressants help to bring the chemicals in the brain to their proper levels, which will aid the person in their ability to deal with what's causing the pain...it's amazing to find out what "normal" feels like after suffering from depression/rage/mood swings/panic attacks for years (been there!).

Striderfan, just know, without a doubt, that your friend didn't hurt herself because of something you did,...or didn't do...like Cosmic said...we're great roleplayers and masters of disguise, even if we're dying inside...I worked with a young man once...sweet, smart, happy, always willing to help out with anything...it was his last week on the job...he was going into the Navy...we had a party for him on a Friday, and that Sunday I got a phone call from my boss that he had been found in a motel room...I won't go into details, except to say that NONE of us had any clue...you'd never have known by the way he looked, or acted....at least your friend got to a place where she can't hide anymore...just be there for her when she's ready to walk in the light.

[Striderfan]

:) I hope so *returns CA's pat on back gratefully* Today when she came back to school, I felt really bad for her because her parents confiscated all her Nirvana CDs so I burned her a copy of the latest Strokes CD, which I hope will make her feel better and I don't think her parents will take it away ;)

[Catz]

yeah i think the hardest thing in the world is to watch someone you care about hurting, and not be able to help............but you help just by being there and letting them know that youre there and youre ready to listen.............even if they never open up
As LA has said, THEY have to take the steps, you can only be there to watch, and sometimes pick up the pieces, but it HAS to be thier choice to get help
:catz:

[Striderfan]

Originally posted by Lady Arien

Striderfan...I want to reassure you that you have NO reason to feel guilty....

Striderfan, just know, without a doubt, that your friend didn't hurt herself because of something you did

Thank you so incredibly much, Lady Arien, you have no idea how relieved that makes me feel, this friend is such an amazing person and I know that if I ever caused her any harm I wouldn't be able to live with myself. Thank you all so much, just reading your posts makes me feel like things will get better, however slowly. :)

[Lady Arien]

I really hope it helped...what I didn't mention in my first post (it was long enough already!) was that I've also been where you're at, and then some...watching my best friend's 17-year old daughter (whom I've known since she was 18 months old) go through this...even when you know and understand what they're going through, it's heartbreaking when you can't do anything to stop it...you have to let them walk the path they are destined to travel...without setting up roadblocks or detours...my heart and prayers go out to both of you!!!

<<<<hugs>>>>

[Night Wolf]

Originally posted by Catz
yeah i think the hardest thing in the world is to watch someone you care about hurting, and not be able to help............
:catz:

might not believe it but alot of cutters are never seen, you wont know period...and the shere shame of the cuts even though they make you feel better make you avoid them being seen. i still think of it alot, and sometimes sit there wanting too...but the last time i nearly got to suicide stage because of the shame i was marking myself with.

pretty much even today the only person offline that knows about my cutting is me...the rest are people online, i've never seen a doctor, never taken tablets. and believe me i go into a hell of a depression some nights...

...i wouldnt wish the feeling you get inside that brings you to this level on my worst enemy, and Striderfan i hope she begins to recover well. long road, myself i'm still sitting at the start of it but i guess somewhere along the way it pays off.

(((long distance hugs)))

[Catz]

well, i dunno if im unusual, but i have known several people that were SI.........its hard to watch.........and yeah they do hide it well, but the signs are there if you know what to look for
my ex husband was an alkie too, and that was tough to watch as well
and i well understand that feeling of wanting pain so that you can drown out all your other pains
tho for me, pain was always a way of proving to myself that i really was there..........that i really was alive
thats a bad place to be, so in a way SF, its good that your friend has made this public.........it at least means that people know
:catz:

[Ice Dragoness]

*short distance hugs for Wolfie*

I agree it is hard to stand by and watch someone you love hurt themselves...but at least they know they are loved and they have somewhere there for them

[Striderfan]

I really see what you guys mean about LOOKING okay on the outside while really you're hurting on the inside...this friend, if you spent 5 minutes with her you'd be sprawled on the floor laughing, she's so funny and it was only lately that she started getting a bit, well, detached and quiet. It's strange too, you can totally see how these things can affect anyone–she has your typical, happy family, a mom, a dad, a little brother that worships her, a nice house, a good deal of money, lots of friends, and so you would never expect her to be someone who was depressed...I guess that's why I got so upset, I just totally didn't see it comming

I talked to her today for a long time, and she seems be doing alright, except for the fact that her arm still really hurts, she has 21 sitches. She told me she knew it really worried me when she cut herself, so she promised not to do it again. I don't know how good that promise is, but at least it's a start.

[Ice Dragoness]

Never tell them they broke their broke either, they are going to have times where they do slip up.

Theres nothing worse than being nagged about "You promised you'd never do it again."
Sometimes promises are too hard to keep

She's very lucky to have a caring friend like you

[Feebeefi]

*hugs striderfan*

Just be there for her. Give her a shoulder to cry on, be there for when she wants to talk.
I know because I have been there before and I felt like I had NOONE to talk to but I didn't leave any scarring.Let her know that you ARE their for her.Thsi way she'll feel less lonly and maybe less like cutting herself.
At school I was still the joker of the pack but noone had any idea how sad I felt until I really went over the edge a few times. Keep talking to her and she will recover. I have! The happiness I show now is real.
I was caught when my mum and dad caught me. I wasn't offered any counselling so I leaned heavily on my mates and they supported me.
As I said before, just be there for her;)

[Striderfan]

Thanks, I hope I can keep being a good friend for her in the future ;) No, of course not, I would never do the whole "but you promised!" thing, that's silly, I mean, I know that we all break our promises, it just happens. But i really hope she keeps this one.

[Bonos-Girl]

awww...i kow how it feels to feel so helpless....you obviously care a lot about your friend but if she won't accept your help and just puishes yu away there's nothing you can do except be there for her when she needs it.

[Galawen]

Hello,
I suffer with depression and are currently supporting people with it
I am building a site for self injury/depression and suicidal tendancies,
I beleive that people are very under educated about real depression and how to handle it,
although I am not a medical person I am doing a site based on my expeiriences it may be of some help
As I say its not finished so please excuse the mess :p

Can you help ? (http://www.freewebs.com/3musketeers/couldyou.htm)
need help? (http://www.freewebs.com/3musketeers/needhelp.htm)

[Feebeefi]

That's a good site. I might show my friends it. I found it helpful Galawen. It's good to see people showing what exactly it is and informing people. I found it helpful to think I'm not crazy and stuff. If you need any help gimme a yell ;) (or PM lol)

[Galawen]

That's a good site. I might show my friends it. I found it helpful Galawen. It's good to see people showing what exactly it is and informing people. I found it helpful to think I'm not crazy and stuff. If you need any help gimme a yell ;) (or PM lol)
Thanks- and yeah I often find it very annoying when so many people have the illness yet the lack of awareness is a huge problem and I wanted to do something about it...so I am trying
and thanks for that PM me if you need someone I am a good listener or try to be :)

[Elenwë]

It's kind of awkward to me to read about all this, specially when I feel exactly how you feel. I remember being sad since I was child, and believe me no matter what I do or I change, things seem to be bad always.
My Dad was an alcoholic, he's recovered now, but I had a pretty rough childhood and I spent so much time alone that now I'm totally unable to make friends although people around me, specially at Uni seem to be pretty glad being my friends. But in the end I forget that and I only ask God to take me away 'cause at some points I feel that I can't take this anymore. I atempt to comitt suicide once by sticking a needle in my writs and pump some air through my veins, I didn't do it 'cause deep down I wanted to make things work. My parents caught and they felt very worry but in the end I had to get over all by myself, I'm not blaming them but it's like they don't know wanna know about it, my Mom says I got everything a person could ask, I got talente enough to build my career and I'm supposely goodlooking but I tried so hard to be different from people of my own generation that I became a brain with no feelings to share. My friends say that I'm a very cold person and that I don't express my feelings as I should but the fact of me being alone all the time made me like that. I'm not a social person and I guess that's what hurts me the most, it makes me sad to see myself so lonely no matter what people say, off course your friends are behind you but the story it's completely different when you're sittin alone with nobody to talk to. It might sound nonesense, but it's true, my shyness and my mood swings are really driving me mad, I don't wanna kill myself I just wanna find reasons not to stop living. The funny thing is that I'm doing great at Uni and my parents are very proud of me and I have projects and everything but I don't want to go on. I don't wanna wake up in the morning to keep feeling like crap, wishing I had a car accident and leave by different means.
What I hate the most is that some people had hurt me so bad like confirming that I'm the problem and that I'm the bad person, I don't know if that's true and I hate to think that part of my lack of self-esteem is because of them.
Sometimes I think this is getting to hard but I know that I'm not brave (or crazy) enough to commit suicide. I'm confused and sad and tired in my mind and in my heart.
I'm sorry to break down like this specially when we're trying to help SF out with her friend, but I felt related to your problems and maybe some of you might be able to help me.
Thanks for "listening".

[Catz]

np Elen...........been there done that
and theres really nothing anyone can say or do that will make it better................when youve gotten broken inside youre really the only person that can fix it..............and trust me its an ongoing thing.........and you can get knocked back down so easily..........but youre tough obviously......youve survived this long, and i admire you for doing so well in your studies when youre feeling this way, cos i know that i fall apart when im in a bad depression
get help................keep looking til you find someone that you are comfortable with as a counsellor, and get help
please dont leave it as long as i did.......youll regret it
:catz:

[Lady Arien]

I wholeheartedly agree with Catz....having been there, done that, and frequently battling the recurrence of depression, I must echo...don't do it alone!

You sound a lot like me, Elenwe...except that my father isn't in recovery, and my mother still does her sleeping pill thing...but it's a relief to know that I'm a big girl now and I don't have to let what they did (and they did a LOT) rule my life...it takes a lot of work though...I've found a loving support group called ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) and it's been a lifesaver...it's a safe place to share what I'm feeling, and, even more important, to hear others who've walked through the same issues...they let me know it was okay to be angry...I had a lot to be angry about...as far as medication...talk it over with a professional, if that's what you're considering...there are things like Valerian and St. John's Wort, etc., but they can be dangerous, even though they bear the label "herbal."

Above all...find someone (or a few, even) people that you can talk to...and the people that have posted in this thread (including myself) are more than willing to help...we've obviously all experienced this at one time or another...feel free to PM me if you want..

Hang in there!!

[Feebeefi]

I know how you feel Elenwe. Well my childhood was fine but I have been bullied my whole life and noone wanted to know and I have tried to commit suicide 3 times. My parents caught me each time but they didn't want to know so I resorted to cutting myself but noone noticed. In the end I taught myself this is not the way to go and tried to help myself.
I have been relapsing recently and am trying to find someone to talk to properly. My best advice is Don't bottle it all up because it comes out in the end and you feel even worse. Sometimes it can come out through violence and I paid the price for that.
If anyone wants to alk I'm here. Just give me a PM ;)
Hang in there Elenwe! *big virtual long distance hugs*

[Elenwë]

Thank you guys! :)

It's good to know that we understand one another, it's hard to feel like that but knowing that I got people around me willing to help me out makes me feel better. :)

[Amithrellas]

For me the worst part of depression was feeling alone, and not wanting to let anyone know I was "broken".

I couldn't handle the day to day of life anymore, constantly in tears, and the worse I felt, the greater the distance I kept from friends -- the people who would see something was wrong.

It wasn't until I got over my pride -- not only I needed help, other people do, too. And help is out there! I had to learn the phrase "what's the worst that could happen?" whenever I threw up a block in front of myself.

I found a wonderful therapist who I consider my life mentor. When I met husband, before we were married, we saw her as a couple. We've been married over ten years and have a great kid. Whenever things get rough, we go back to the lessons we learned.

You have to want the help -- that's the hardest. You have to have people who care to help you find what works for you. But best of all -- help works.

*hugs to all of you*

[Night Wolf]

not everyone has to seek help, I myself didnt, refused to and basically i'm still alive...others though may not be able to muster the will power to break the cycle. my arms are still scarred in places, but most seems to have faded in now. I've stopped taking pills, i was taking up to a box of pain killers in one day then end up throwing them all up...which wasnt the desired result, but i no long have that desire. still get depressed and think very little of myself but dont need anyone, i dont trust anyone yet much (maybe a few online people but thats about it, and one or two i'm wary of what i tell).

everyone deals with traumer and depression in there own way i guess...i doubt anyone, including dear catz knows some of the reasons i'm down alot, but some things take time, and some things are too deep to go away.

but if you have someone that will care and listen, HOLD ONTO THEM!!! its a rare thing to have someone you 100% truly trust with what you have to say. guess sometimes you have to take a risk telling them, but not everyone has to be sad...

*wolf hugs all round*

[Catz]

*hugs wolfie back, and everyone else too*
well the things i dont know you might be surprised about too wolfie.........dont assume that people wont understand..........thats just another way we keep ourselves apart
but im always around to listen if you wanna tell me...........well mostly ;)
sorry i havent been on much when youve been about this week sweety, but ive had a lot to do, and right now im off back to bed...........i know youre working soon so have fun petal and hopefully ill catch you soon
:catz:

[Lady Melanie]

I think Im suffering from mild depression.
One second I can be fine and in such a good mood and the next moment I am sooo depressed!!! Does anyone know of anything I can take to get rid of this depression? I heard that St Johns Wort helps. Is that true?

[Elenwë]

It's hard to tell what kind of methods would work on everyone, it depends.
I understand how you feel 'cause I feel like that very often and I believe that seeking for help it's a good alternative, I haven't done it yet but it's because my lack of time but I've learned that talking to your friends isn't so bad. I was always afraid of expressing my feelings but I found out that there's people who love you and willing to give you advice or just listen to you, it can be "Virtual Friends" or whatever.
I try my best to feel good or just deal with stuff the best I can, it's hard 'cause I'm not always in the mood, but I'm almost there. In two weeks I'll start with a therapist and I believe that he can help me out.
You choose the method, the important thing is that you admit you need help and yoi ask for it. *hugs* hope everything gets better.

[Lady Melanie]

Thanks Elenwe. Ive decided that wheneva I feel myself getting depressed, I have to do something to counter it, like talk to a good friend or listen to an upbeat tune to get my spirits up.

[Catz]

yeah depression is a horrible thing............i think the worst part of it for me is that cos i have low self esteem to start with it just BEATS me up, cos I feel stupid for being weak, and disgusted with myself for being so selfish and self indulgent
its not easy to stay strong when the person beating you down is yourself.....and when you have external forces acting as well it can become almost unbearable
thanks a lot to all those whove put up with me lately ;) i know i havent been the easiest of people to be around...........and trust me, its not the people that im angry with and that make me feel bad, but the situation
:catz:

[Bawax]

i hate depression, if i feel depressed i always end up drinking, it might not be a problem if its only one days depression in a month but i went about 2 years doing it and i was a mess.

[Lady Melanie]

Whenever I feel depressed, I have this urge to stuff my face, and I cant help it!!!!
Its like my mind has this thing that it thinks that food will cure my depression by instead it makes me even more depressed because I feel guilty about eating all that food!

[Catz]

yeah i know..............and its perfectly natural to look for something to help us thru a depression...........i mean one of the major symptoms of a depression is feeling alone...........thats a horrible thing for anyone to face.......no wonder we turn to crutches to help us thru...and then ofc we beat ourselves up for using them........vicious cycle
i guess one of the best.........and hardest things we can do for ourselves in a depression is be kind to ourselves........and forgive our own failings
tough to do tho
:catz:

[Elenwë]

That's absolutely true. When we're down we blame ourselves for everything that's happened and it's not good at all. Sometimes you have to forgive yourself and allow yourself to feel sad, if you take it on yourself it's gonna be worse, I'm not justifying a depressed behavior, but we should take things a little easy and must understand that this kind of things happen to everybody no matter how rich, beautiful or "normal" they are. I find myself crying because in front of my friends I'm always the strong, rational, independent girl and feel ashamed to let my true feelings out, but I found some really good friends who are willing to understand me.
I hope everyone of you find a reason to feel better. I'm always here if you want me to help you :)

[Bawax]

i wish i could be that open when i'm down but i never am, i just drink loads and i also eat loads as you said Lady Melanie but i don't just eat a bit, i really can empty a fridge and then start eating big time from there.

i have always been a bit like that but i've been good for the past 2 years, before that i was a bit of a state but now i'm just a little weird at times. :thumbs:

[Elenwë]

That's good, I hope you keep on feeling good ;)

It's funny 'cause right now I feel down and yesterday I was happy, I guess I need some real help, but it's ok :)

[Catz]

thats where good friends come in...........ive been lucky in that ive always had my best bud..........ive known her for 16 odd years........and that i also have some VERY good and patient online friends too
and dont forget im always here B hon, if you ever feel the need to unload..........ive bleated your ear off more than once im sure ;) :smooch:
:catz:

[Gryffonheart]

Hey, does anyone have any advice for me? I often feel depressed, but with me, it is more anger than depression that causes problems. I get so mad, I just feel like I'm going to explode, literally. I have to do something, and hitting a pillow just doesn't do it. And since I can't yell at someone (It really is hard for me to yell at anyone) I have to take my anger out on myself. I don't think this is healthy, but I scratch and hurt myself, and feel like screaming and yelling and sobbing, but I can't. I don't really know what to do. Not to mention I get depressed for no reason a lot, though it isn't serious depression. Can anyone give me advice?

[Lady Arien]

Hmmmm...this sounds more than vaguely familiar...except I've never had a problem screaming and yelling...for some people, actually, depression can take the form of anger...there was a period of time where I was actually homicidal, and it took a lot of effort on my part to keep my temper...I remember clenching my fists so hard that my nails actually cut the palms of my hands...I got ticked off over the smallest things, and went out of my way to provoke arguements just so that I would have some way to let off the steam...I'm not proud of the number of walls I've punched, or what I've thrown (or at whom)...I knew I had a problem, but it wasn't until I started having panic attacks and lost the ability to drive that I sought professional help, with much urging and direction from my best friend, who also suffered from anxiety disorder...I got into therapy...my shrink said that she'd never seen anyone so angry...we tried the pillow-punching therapy, and I shredded the pillows with my bare hands...I knocked all the books off her side table in a fit of rage, but she just let me vent my spleen...eventually, I broke down and started crying, and we were able to start getting to the real issues...three weeks into therapy, I was laying in bed one night, reading a book on anxiety and depression (I make it a habit to study things in depth lol) when I had a complete memory flashback of something that happened when I was ten years old...I won't go into details, save to say that I was molested, and although the memory was locked away in my mind, the anger over it remained, and kept getting worse. The next few visits to the therapist were explosive, to say the least, but two years later, I was off medication and panic-attack free. I haven't thrown anything since my husband and I got together (at least, not at him or the kids)...I can't say I haven't punched a wall, but it was outside, not in my house (no holes to patch). My temper isn't hair-trigger like it used to be, but it's taken a while to be able to say that. I owe a lot of it to my beloved Illu and his infinite patience...having someone you love and trust who's willing to support you through your worst and love you anyway makes all the difference...that, and therapy..there was NO WAY I would've been able to work through all this on my own.

[Tar-Vanimelde]

I've been depressed for I think ten years now, and since I'm only 18, that's a large chunk of my life. I've described it to myself as living in a bubble, unable to feel anything, cut off from the world. I never felt joy or anger or rage or bliss or even boredom....everything was shades of grey.....I could have welcomed any emotion, just to feel something. Since I've been going to therapy, on and off for five years now, things have been getting better. I finally went on medication last fall and I started to talk with friends about it. I'm generally doing better, althought relapses are common and harder than I thought they could be.....
I suppose my advice would be to find what you need. In my case, that was a shoulder to cry on and a way to express myself. I've found that talking to people helps, but only if you trust them more than anything....it's nice to have someone who understands, and I think talking here probably helps us all, but in my case at least, it was about trusting someone enough to tell them everything and not have a worry at all about being rejected or used. I've been through some rough relationships on several levels, and my self-esteem is non existent. But I know that, sad as it is, depression is not uncommon at all. I've made myself try to help myself- and that I think is the key. Be willing to do what you need to help yourself- whether that is seeking professional help or friends or writing or whatever....love yourself.
If anyone needs to talk, ever, I am always just a pm away. I hope that we are all doing alright and that we can support each other whenever necessary. Please, don't ever hurt yourselves or think that life is not worth living. I know how it can feel to be choking to death in the emotional pain of self loathing, and I know that it is something that can be overcome, no matter how hard it is, how long it takes or how often we slide back.....*hugs everyone for listening*

#Vani

[Catz]

and you do help people Vani, but can i just say that its a lot easier to get out of a depression when you have someone to turn to thats yours alone.
friends are great, but the fact is that they have thier lives to live and they just cant be there all the time..........and ofc the very fact that someone DOES love you enough to want to be with you is a good feeling that helps...........conversly NOT having anyone makes you feel like a failure on top of being lonely
lonliness is a soul destroying thing...........and i AM happy in my own company, and i have been for years..............but there comes a time when you wonder is this how its always going to be?
and sometimes you have to admit that it is
sorry ;) being depressing again lol ill shut up now ;)
:catz:

[Bawax]

dont forget im always here B hon, if you ever feel the need to unload..........ive bleated your ear off more than once im sure ;) :smooch:
:catz:

ok you just agreed to letting me unload on you? :elfeek: you definently need to get your *** to england for a swift unloading :naughty: :p thanks cuddlemuffin :smooch:

[Catz]

lol thanks sweetypie :smooch::cuddles: that cheered me up NO end ;) lol
:catz:

[Bawax]

what can i say, i just woke up in that frame of mind and as lady luck would have it you turned out to be the first target honeybuns. ;) :smooch:

[Bramblerose Bunce]

Here I thought this was going to be a somewhat depressed thread..and here I find such sweetness!

Group hug! :wiggle:

It is important to have someone to talk to..someone that you know is listening and hears what you have to say. That way I have been lucky, I have some wonderful people in my life.

I did however have a tough time in my life where I was angry most of the time. I go so angry one time and there was nowhere I could go and nothing really that I could do so I took my pencase and hit it hard against the bench. I can actually say it helped..When I then looked inside I had broken every single pen in there..even the eraser..which was a big one I might add about an inch thick. My friend was there at the time and we just looked at mess inside and then looked at each other. The anger just went right out of me and we started laughing..still to this day I can't think of that without laughing.

My advice would be to try and slow things down. Look for the signs that you are getting angry and when they start to come excuse yourself from whatever you are doing and do something which calmes you down. Go to the bathroom and wash your face and/or take deep breaths. Go for a walk. something. Also if you can, find someone you can talk to. Today it doesn't even have to be a "real" person, you can talk to someone online. Just as long asyou get things off your chest. :)

[Lady Galadriel]

Reading your comments brings tears to my eyes. I dont think I have ever been depressed but sometimes I suffer from profound mood swings. Usually I dont express it outwardly but mostly inwardly. When that occurs, I usually scramble for an escape which is usually through reading books or watching movies. Just something to escape reality for a while. But to be honest, I think I live more in the fictional world than reality in my leisure time. Perhaps its because I spend most of my time alone or perhaps I just like it that way. I try not to think about it too much. And like Catz says, its great to have friends to talk to but they do have their own lives to live. Its funny that from since I was in my early 20s and suffered a major disappointment, that I began to think of life in this way. Dont expect too much from others and you wont get disappointed. Ever since that, I have done fairly well in the sense that a particularly depressing incident that occurred then has never repeated itself. However, the drawback is that I do not have a social life and it bothers me sometimes but like I said before, I try to forget about it by reading books, etc. My friends tell me its an unhealthy way to live because I am still in my 20s and they feel like I am just "existing." In some ways I agree with them but for now that is the way it is. But having friends and someone to talk to do help.

[Evenstar]

I'm not sure if i suffer from depression, but i started cutting my arms last august and I do it quite often now. I started because I got really, really upset over something, i can't remember what now, and then I thought if I kept doing it maybe more people would notice me and i'd get more attention at school. Last November some of my friends had huge problems in their life - one was suffering from panic attacks and the other lost her grandad, who had been very close to her - and i know this makes me seem like a really bad person, but i saw all the attention they got and i was so jealous. I thought maybe if I had a problem people would give me attention so i tried to create one and now i feel like i have to keep doing it, like it's become addictive. My friends have noticed and they say I can talk to them whenever I want, but I don't feel I can - I don't know how to begin. Often I feel really lonely and down, or sad for no reason at all. I never cut deep enough even to bleed, except once, but I still have all the scars. The worst I came to killing myself was when i cleared all the junk off my windowsill and got ready to throw myself out of it, but then i realised i don't like heights. But I've only done that twice and i could probably never make myself do something like that. Anyway, there's my story.

Striderfan I really hope things work out with your friend. Here's a smile especially for you: :) and some for all the other people who've been through problems and pulled through :):):):):):):):)

[Lady Galadriel]

First of all, Evenstar, dont ever try to kill yourself again. I have read this thread and there seems to be many supportive people here that you can speak too. About the sadness for no reason, I think I can relate. But when you feel sad, make an effort to do something that have proven to cheer you up in the past. As to the cutting problem, I have heard about that before but I will leave it up to those individuals onthis thread who could give better advice on that. However, I would like to say that you can always find a friend here to speak to whenever you experience those moods and feel it is overwhelming. Cheer up and you do deserve a smile as well :)

[Tar-Vanimelde]

Friends can only do so much, that is very true. But for a long time, that was all I had, and even though it wasn't enough, it helped. Every little bit helps. :smooch:
I wish I could give each and every one of you a hug and be there for you when you need someone to talk to.
Evenstar, next time you feel like cutting, imagine me taking your hand and stopping you. Hurting yourself isn't the way to go, and I know what it is like to be willing to do almost anything to get people to notice you. In my case, I just pulled away from everyone and let them ignore me. That isn't the way to go, but neither is hurting yourself. Please, please please, find some other way to feel better. You don't deserve the pain, emotional or physical. Maybe you can't talk to your friends about this, but you can talk to them about other things, more minor, and that is a way in. Use the opportunity and let them help you just by being with you.

#Vani

[Elenwë]

It's hard to go through that kind of feelings and it's even worse the erradication of them. When you feel sad and almost like killing yourself it's almost impossible to get rid of those feelings and move on, personally I can't do that. On mother's day my mom said she was very worry about me 'cause she had the impression that I hate everybody, even myself. She started crying saying that she loves me and that she didn't want me to become a cold person, 'cause she knows that deep down I have nice feelings. On the other hand my dad didn't care much 'cause he thought it's just am early 20's crisis. I've depressed most of my life, I can't blame my parents for this but I spent most of my childhood and my adolescence alone, I had no guidance and I had to try things on my own, that made me who I am now. I am cold and shy and distant 'cause the main periods of my life I was alone. It hurts me to see my mom crying and it makes me feel awful 'cause I love her too much, I don't wanna be apart from her now that I can be around her more, but there's this feeling of sadness inside me, I can't let go that matter and I hate to hear people say: "she thinks she's too much, that's why she behaves like that". I've felt lonely and unable to express what I feel, I can't trust anybody and I've been let down by my own my family... how am I gonna get over myself. I've talked to my friends, but only about superficial stuff, I don't know how much the can help me with it. I got the phone number of a therapist and I mean to call him, but deep down I'm scared to find out what's wrong with me.
Talking about this on this thread gives me a little hope, 'cause I've seen I'm not the only one feeling like this. I'm tired of being angry and mad people, I'm tired of being mad at my parents and I'm tired of being jelous at my sisters, 'cause they got to enjoy my parents, I couldn't do that. No matter how much I cry the depression remains and it bothers me. Professionally I can do whatever I want 'cause I can work rationally for it, but I don't think I'm going to be succesful as a person, and professional success it's not worth without personal success.
I know I need help, professional help... but I'm afraid of it. I just need to stop asking God to take me away... this is my life and I need to have control over it.

Thank you guys for being there, I really love you and I feel lucky to be able to share this with you. I hope we all find the way to make things work *hugs*

[Catz]

thing is you HAVE to let it out somehow.............if you keep it inside it WILL hurt you
try going somewhere quiet and telling a tree..........or onto a hill and telling the wind...........just let it all out..........dont bother about if you make sense or not......like the winds gonna care about grammar?................just get it out of your system.............and then when youre done..............just leave a little something...........i leave a small silver coin............for the spirit of the place (i dont know why, but that part also helps........maybe its just cos you dont feel like youve done anything unless youve paid for it ? ;) lol )
it might help.........cant hurt
:catz:

[Evenstar]

thanks guys. thanks so much.:)

Elenwe i think you should ring the therapist, it will do more good than harm and could help you lots. I hope things get better for you :)
and catz i will try your silver coin idea :)

[Elenwë]

Thanks Catz... Thanks Evenstar :) I will try to do that too ;)

[Catz]

the other thing that ive always found helps is my pets
just knowing that they relied on me...........that if i didnt feed them and take care of them, that no one else would, was enough to get me moving when nothing else could
and they always love you.......to them youre the greatest person alive
sometimes you need to be needed
:catz:

[Striderfan]

Wow, i just took time to read my own thread and i'm amazed at how strong and supportive so many of you are, and how even if you're still suffering yourself, you try to reach out to others so that they won't have to go through what you are experiancing. It's really inspiring. You guys are wonderful. :)

Now, i've never suffered from depression myself, but my friend whose cutting prompted me to start this thread does. And for a while there everything was going okay, except that the scar on her arm still hurt, she had 21 stiches and had cut through the muscle, so I don't think it's going to fully heal for a long, long time. So i thought everything was getting better, but i'm not sure anymore. You see, she's started cutting herself again. She was laying on the floor during lunch one day (we do a lot of that, school can really tier you out lol) with her shoes off, and i looked at her ankels and they were covered with these crisscrossing scars, lots of them, and sorta in a pattern so you could tell that she had been cutting herself on purpose. I asked her what is was, just to make sure, and she admited she was cutting herself. I sorta joked around and was like "why your ANKLES??" and she laughed and then went on to explain, very matter-of-factly that the viens were closer to the skin and they were easier to hide. And the we let the subject drop. But is scares me. Should i tell someone? She's on lots of meds and is going to the therapist and all, but i really don't think she's getting any better.

[Tar-Vanimelde]

Telling someone.....that's always the question. In my mind, if you have someone you can talk to, who knows your friend as well, then maybe yes. On the other hand, if you think it would push your friend away, and since she is already seeing someone and on medication, maybe the best thing you can do it just be there for her. Tell her you want to help, and if she ever needs to talk, you're there. She might not be willing to talk, but knowing that you care enough to make the offer will help in and of itself. Knowing that someone is there makes a huge difference. I hope it all works out :rose:

#Vani

[Elenwë]

That's true, a depressive person need to feel loved and that might help s little, it won't solve the problem, but at least it can make it a little easier to live with.
Good Luck SF! :)

[Feebeefi]

I do have one tiny suggestion that helps me. Introduce her to a new activity or sport so she keeps busy and doesnt have time to think about cutting herself. I find that helps me while I have my exams. Revision takes up most of my time so I don't think about cutting myself. Maybe you can join a club together or something.
Also just let her know you're there like Vani and Elenwe said ;)

GOOD LUCK! *hugs*

[Striderfan]

Thanks you guys for all your advice :grin:

You know, I will try that, Feebeefi...it's kinda strange, when she started getting really bad a couple of months ago she quit her martial arts class all her clubs and just started hanging out and cutting class all the time...it's kinda a catch-22, isn't it, that as a result of being depressed you start to loose interest in activities, but it's these distractions that might actually help you get out of depression. Strange.

[Lady Arien]

I really don't want to sound like I think the suggestion to keep busy isn't a good idea...it is, but honestly, I know from not only my personal experience, but the experiences of other cutters (and addicts, and alcoholics, and bulimics, and anorexics, etc.) that the cutting (or any of the self-destructive activities that can take its place) won't stop until your friend can deal with whatever is inside her thats causing her so much pain, and, like anyone involved in self-destructive behavior, she won't deal with it until she's ready...short of an intervention, there's really nothing you can do...you can't be with her 24/7. I don't mean this as an insult to your friendship...she's lucky to have someone like you that cares that much...but even my closest friends weren't able to get me to deal with my issues until the bottom fell out of my life...not that they didn't try...it was because I wouldn't let them, and it sounds like your friend is still holding on tight to her secrets...and the dilemma is that telling anyone (parents. teachers, and the like) would be seen as a violation of trust, but if you think the situation is becoming dangerous for her, maybe it will be up to you to call attention to it so she can get some help.

[Striderfan]

Yeah, i know what you mean about not being able to heal things superficially, but needing to really get to the bottom of the pain. But it's so frustrating for those who are watching their friends suffer, because it's not like a physical illness that you can just make sure they go to a doctor, get some meds in them and then they're fine. My friend's doing everything she should–she's been to the hospital, been in IOP for 3 months, goes to a therapist, is on meds, and she isn't getting any better. I just want to shake her and say "GET BETTER ******!" but of course that won't make anything better, so I just sit there and watch her as she sinks deeper and deeper. It sucks. That plain.

[Catz]

sadly it isnt that easy.......some therapies tho they might be the greatest in the world for one person simply dont work for others
and this is deep stuff...........often the depressed person themself has NO idea of whats really at the root of it all, cos theyve spent so long piling stuff on top of it so they DONT have to look..its not something that many people want to admit to themselves, never mind to a stranger...maybe she needs to look at another therapist....looking for a compatible therapist can be a long search
yeah it IS horrible being the ambulance at the foot of the cliff, but really as Lady A said, unless a person is willing to look at their problems, they cant do anything about them, and unfortunately often the trigger to that willingness is a crisis
her trust in you is a precious thing but you have to weigh that against her ability to do herself or others harm.............and if you think it is coming to that, well then you do have the hard choice to make
sorry i cant give you a solution
:catz: