Beleg's Buffoonery!

[Beleg Strongbow]

To all,

If any of you have any humourous or nonsense poetry that you've written and you'd like to post it somewhere, feel free to stick it in here...

I wrote this poem based on my observations of people in forums. Sometimes, humans can’t pick the inflection in the other’s voice and so may take things the wrong way. I’ve had my fair share of “talk your way out of this one”, mostly in typically public areas like MSN. In WotR, this has occurred very little, so it’s nice to know that we can talk in the forums here and be ‘mostly’ understood!


Idle words, chitter-chatter
Constant verbs and nouns a-clatter
Adjectives that fall from grace
Vowels that fly about the place

Consonants abrupt and quick
Jerk the mind fast and thick
Put together and written down
Misread, misled and tempers blown

Read the words and be frustrated
Form the sound, be aggravated
But know the person who you think
Is dim and dark, and apt to slink

That person thinks you just as bad
The attitude that makes you mad
Has vexed them thrice and driven them
To write on anger’s page again

Listen here and I will tell
Of people’s hearts, a bottomless well
Of anger, sadness, laughter, tears
Of rage and hope throughout the years

On pages on the Internet
The forum forms a strict mind set
Opinions, attitudes and such
That people hate so very much

Yet WotR quells the fiery mind
And shows that hearts may be as kind
So chitter-chatter, clitter-clatter
It’s not the words that really matter.

But the message that comes from them
So close your eyes and count to ten
My mood’s been softened many times
WotR has read between the lines.



There are a few others that I've posted in here in the past but in various threads. The next couple are dedicated to my ongoing taunting of Orlando Bloom A.K.A. Legolas Greenleaf.....much to the dismay of fangirls everywhere...


Leggy's Duck

My mind is blank
my brain is done
I have no poetry or song
you girls just want too much from me
My bed is softly calling me...

Leggy's the fruit of the day
but who am I to stop and say
he waltzes in like Queen Faruk
and speaks like Phyllis Diller's Duck

His pants are short and baggy brown
why is it the girls go to town
about his frilly, silly frocks
and pink and purple daisy socks?

If he was me, well then he'd see
the person he is meant to be
proud attitude and Kingly stance
but he'd just turn and wet his pants

So Leggy just don't bother me
I'm tired & battle's wearied me
Just go and get another Orc
and then fetch me my knife and fork!

Orli the Putz

Orli, surely is a klutz
he's not cool, he's just a putz
palid white and gangly legs
stupid hair held up with pegs
hairy nostrils, skinny lips
looks like a girl with nine inch hips
couldn't act to save his life
can't keep a girl to be his wife
Orly, surely you must be kidding
if this is the way you eek out a living?

[Beleg Strongbow]

Not really a nonsense poem, but Adun was pushing me to find out how old I was, so this was my reply


The Tale of Beleg

All the Ages have I seen
The news of Silmarils no less
of Melkor and the the fallen King
Of Angband, till his timely death

The birth of Stars, of Sun and Moon
The Oath-Holders - and unjust deeds.
Of Niniel and the Mormegil -their love
by Glaurung's malice seen.

Of Doriath my early home
The ruination I did see
Morgoth's evil set Húrin down
and brought my land to misery

Of Númenor and Edain born
The birth of mighty kings of men
corrupt and foolish every one
till Sauron's folly vanquished them

How old am I you ask Adun?
Too old to little children here
the Legacy of Elves I bare
my doom to walk from year to year...

[Lady Luthien]

...those are great, Beleg! You have perfect rhythm in your poems, not to mention the fact that they are brilliant and hilarious! I hope to read more soon!

[Catz]

oh goody.......ive been meaning to ask you to start this hon, but you beat me to it
hmmmmmm a home for the Leggy lashing couplets

ok i have a couple of little ones from the Citadel

there was a young chap called Orlando
whose legs were dead hairy, and so
said "i MUST depilate,
tho fangirls get irate,
cos it ladders my stockings dontcha know"

one for Lady Cele who tried to sic a dragon onto the kitty

there once was a dragon of Celes
who got one of catzs claws in the belly
fangirls found it deflating
Antis found it elating
and we dumped him before he got smelly

and one that was started by Beleg...............but that lacked in my opinion, a good punchy ending..........which i ofc added
so the first stanzas are Belegs.........the last is mine

Orli has walked in the room
all the girlies start to swoon
some of them run to his side
to grab a feel like a new laid bride

but orli pushes them away
"Stop it duckies, I'm so Gay
I mince around in bright pink pants
so just beware of this circumstance

if you would try your wiles on me
a rejected flower you will be
my mind is looking somewhere else
I've got Depp's new leather belts!"

of course if Depp just dont pan out
i've another plan, you can have no doubt
im Orli the gorgeous dontcha know
and i rather fancy that Beleg Strongbow

[Catz]

"Throw the ring in the fire", quoth Gandalf
and then when its out, put your hand out
said the Wiz, "its not hot"
Said the hobbit, "its not?
then id rather YOUR hand out , myself"

[Catz]

mmm so in honour of Belegs thread, we have

Belegs Ballad
Alas poor Beleg, we knew him well
He always was such fun
To be dispatched by a living hell
Crushed in a fangirl scrum
We tried to tell him, we warned him ever
Of the fatalities of charm
But he had to go on being clever
And now hes come to harm
Always ready with quip or sallie
Unaware even when
Before being squished into a jelly
He was overcome by oestrogen
Betrayed by his own appeal
flattened by fangirls stealing gropes
The saddest part of all I feel
Is burying him in lots envelopes
i think they found all of his bits
Well, with a little adjustment
Squeezing in bits that didn’t quite fit
To ensure he had all his equipment
Searching all the miscreants
For any stray bits and pieces
Building him up by increments
And ironing out all the creases
So were here to mourn a sex object
Well at least to hormonal fangirls
And to let all our words and actions reflect
The loss to our little social whirl
Tho there is a catch to this little show
Cos us antis aren’t really dummies
They flattened not Beleg, but his unfortunate clone
Which is nasty……..but kinda funny

[Lady Luthien]

good one, Catz

Beleg...I think you'll recognize this one

The Plight of Lady Luthien & ShieldMaiden

A dire problem had been unmasked
By elvish women in a thread
a shortage had been noticed here
The ladies had been struck with dread

"What shall we do?" asked one of them,
"Just sit and wait" another said
But wait they did and nothing came
So still they sat and bowed their heads

Lady Luthien stood up and cried out loud
"I'll hunt for some and bring them here,
he'll have no choice, just trust me now"
and prepared to leave, her mind was clear

Shieldmaiden asked "Where are they?
Are they really far from here?"
Lady Luthien replied in a panicked voice
"You know what? I have no idea!"

Still, up she got and strode outside
Breathing deep the cool night air
Her eyes like hawk's she had espied
A wandering elf with long blonde hair

Down the road she ran with speed
To stop the elf from wandering
And spun him round to talk with him,
She saw his face, and perfect skin

'twas Legolas a wandering far
She asked him could he find a way
In his heart to come with her
He said "sorry sweetie, but I'm gay!"

So, came she back to the 'dating' thread
Her head hung low with misery
They others saw her and bowed their heads
The loss of males a mystery

Here ends the tale of Luthien's woes
A story full of grief and tears
Male elves are just too hard to find
And the one's she does are just plain queer!

[Beleg Strongbow]

a true gem if ever there was one! Gee....I wonder who wrote that one then....??

[Catz]

mmmm and ofc YOURE totally unbiased there Beleg
*rummages around in her smilies, searching*
where the heck did i put that lil pukey guy???

there once was an Elf called Beleg
who let flattery go to his head
it was SUCH a bore
when he got stuck in the door
"encephalitis" doctors said

just teasing sweety
altho............*eyes up the doors carefully*

and another one brought about by reading my own poetry

There is a Numenorian feline
For misery her poetry makes a beeline
She is I would deem
SUCH a tragedy queen
And this even she cannot deny

[Lady Ashley]

Those are great....Beleb, you have a gift there, buddy. As do the rest of you!

[Catz]

trouted whilst peacfully dreaming
was Beleg, Itar ran off screaming
but her plans were all foiled
when she got cod liver oiled
but Beleg?.........youre doing the cleaning

[Beleg Strongbow]

ho ho ho ho ho ho
a-cleaning we will go!
if Itar spews then, so
the diced carrots will show

[Catz]

whoo hooo y'all its duelin verses at 10 paces

Hands Beleg a bucket and mop
Well maybe next time you will stop
And consider the consequences
And the alimentary inferences
Of making fangirls blow the lot

[Beleg Strongbow]

there's nothing wrong with a chunder
dead people do it six feet under
the colour is grand!
oops! it's got on my hand
and my guts sound like dark, rolling thunder


feel free to remove this Kitty before I get into trouble!

[Catz]

oh i think its ok ..............disGUSTing ................but ok

quoth Catz was that sound thunder?
or just Beleg having a chunder?
mustve been SOME bachanalia
cos he lives in Australia
and to hear it from New Zealands a wonder