An Aussie in King Aragorn's Court Part !
An Aussie in King Aragorn’s Court Part 1
Meeting on Caradhras
Am I mad everyone????
I just can't get enough of TTT or LOTR...I've seen TTT 6 times now and am going again tonight...
I think I've fallen in love with Eomer...No Aragorn...No Legolas.....No wait Faramir, No I mean Boromir too.......
AAAAIIIII!!!! I'm a hopeless romantic.
I don't mind sharing with you all my daydreams I have whils’t riding the ski lift at Vail...
It is a long ride up you know...and I must pass the time.....
I daydream mostly about being transported into Middle Earth whils't I'm gliding down on my skis through some wonderful open portal (like the way to Narnia...just through a gap in the trees) and suddenly appearing in front of a band of Uruk Hai on the slopes of Caradhras.......I go into full extreme mode and ski like lightning, full bore, all the way down with the orcs giving chase...Of course they can't keep up...and then I do a spectacular jump over the heads of the Fellowship, who go "What the %&*#@?" as I sail over head screaming "Orcs behind!" ...The Uruk Hai then turn up and Aragorn and Co make short work of them as they have been forewarned, by the
magical skiing lady overhead .
A strange sight for Middle Earth eyes.
I then take off my skis and whack a few of them over their heads.....skewer others with my poles.......
Of course the Fellowship don't know what to make of me.....here is this strange woman in their midst dressed in even stranger garb with very strange weapons (skis and poles)....
Gandalf: I think there is some strange magic
Boromir: What is this new devilry?????
Sam: Is that Gollum??????
Coralie: I certainly am not Gollum, Samwise Gamgee.....
Can't you see that I'm a girl????? (removing my
headband revealing my blonde, red, brown hair
in all it's glory)
Frodo: How do you know his name?
Coralie: I know all your names, Master Frodo son of
Drogo! Now how do I know that??????)
Pippin: I rather fancy her coat!!!
Merry: What's she wearing on her eyes??????????
Legolas: Such strange garb.....Perhaps she is of Elven
kind, But I have never seen her like before!!!!
Gimli: Well she certainly made short work of that Orc!
That is a formidable weapon she wields.......even
if she is a woman.
Aragorn: Lady, we are forever in your debt...(swoon)
But, from whence did you come.....and how?????? (looking up at the mountain, I just skied down
and then at my ski gear)
Gandalf: Methinks, that this will be a long tale in the
telling but we have no time at present for long
explanations We have received aid in time
unlooked for. As strange as you may appear, I
sense that there is no evil in you, and that the
Valar have sent you here on winged feet ....perhaps you were mean't to play a part in our
quest..... Lady, I think we should welcome you
to our Fellowship.
Gimli: What! A woman? Never heard of such a thing!!!!!!
Coralie: Now don't go getting your knickers in a knot
Gimli, Son of Gloin....I have no idea how I got
here myself. Maybe I hit a tree and am dreaming
all of this! All I know is that I was just minding my
own business, cruising down China Bowl, went
over a jump in the trees and...Voila!.......
I ski into a bunch of Uruk Hai. One minute I'm in
Vail ....the next thing I'm on the slopes of
Caradhras going for it hell bent for leather!!!!!!!
Making my very own Warren Miller film!!!! Stone
the crows! My poor foofer valve can't take much
more of this mate! What's more....
where I come from...women have had the vote for
ages mate and you should mind your p's and q's
in the future.....
Gimli: P's! Q's! Hell bent for leather! Mate! What strange
speech! I'm not even sure this
is a woman Gandalf! No woman has ever dared
speak in such
a bold manner before!!!! Hrumpphh!!
Pippin: What's she saying???? Cruising? Voila?
Merry: I don't know Pip, but it sounds very interesting......
Legolas: Lady, I am very concerned about your poor foofer
valve....We Elves have much knowledge of the
Do not worry about the crows.The crebain have
flown back to their master Saruman. There is no
need to stone them.
For my part, if Mithrandir has invited you to be a
part of our Fellowship, then part of the Fellowship
you shall be! (stern look towards Gimli)
Aragorn: Are you cold M’Lady?
Legolas: … and never let it be said that the Elves
were ungracious towards a lone woman in the
Aragorn: Never have I seen such bravery and mystery at
one time...You are most welcome Lady….
Boromir: Well spoken Aragorn. The men of Gondor are
ever gracious toward the fairer sex as are the
Elves (looking at Legolas).....but what does the
Ring Bearer say?
Frodo: She seems fair and not foul to me....More fair
than you seemed at the Prancing Pony Aragorn,
(little wink at Aragorn) and you came to our aid
too unlooked for as she certainly has......
If Gandalf says the Valar have sent her?.......I
would not disagree with him.
Legolas: (Taking me by the arm) Now Lady, I am very
concerned about your foofer valve....Tellme...
where does it hurt? (double swoon)
An Aussie in King Aragorn's Court Part 1 (Cont)
Legolas: (Taking me by the arm) Now Lady, I am very
concerned about your foofer valve....Tellme...
where does it hurt? (double swoon)
Legolas is holding Lady Coralie's hand aka known as the Ski Queen
and looking at her anxiously.........
Legolas: Now Lady, you are strange to look upon, but you
cannot be so very different from Men, even
though you are a member of the fairer sex. Tell
me about this foofer valve of yours, for I
am wholly unacquainted with it.....pardon my
ignorance on this matter......but is it too delicate
Coralie: (Eyes wide...trying desperately not to laugh)
Sir Elf, you are very kind to ask about my foofer
valve, but you need trouble yourself no further
on my account.....I was simply referring to my
Legolas: (Alarmed) Your Heart! What has it been pierced
by an Orc's arrow....let me see!
Coralie: No! No! Silly. Nice idea though! I mean't I got
quite a shock to find myself suddenly here in
Middle Earth! But if you keep holding my hand
and looking at me like a sick puppy, I'll
lay you tens that Cupid will shoot me in the heart
Legolas: (Suddenly springing to his feet) Where is this
Cupid? He'll be dead before he can draw arrow
The others spin around looking for another Orc (or Cupid) to slay, swords drawn.....
Coralie: OMG! It's moments like these you need Minties!
Gandalf: (Eyeing the ski queen from head to toe) Calm
yourselves! There is no danger here that I
perceive, but rather misunderstanding of sorts. My
Lady, it would appear that not only your sudden
arrival, and strange appearance and weapons
have taken us aback, but your speech
also is strange to our ears. Tell me....By what
name are you known?
Coralie: Well I'd really like to say my name was Picabo
Street, but you may call me Coralie if you like.
Legolas: Coralie...It is a melodious name.....Almost
Elvish....Are you sure you're not Elvish?
Coralie: Yes Legolas, I'm sure I'm not Elvish, but I do
have a smattering of blue blood if that counts
for anything, I may even may have a bit of convict
blood too if I’m lucky! ...Coralie is French and
means prettiness of coral.
(I rather like my name, it was entirely my Mother’s
Aragorn: What is coral?
Gandalf: I do believe that coral is a rock from the sea that
possesses many beauteous colours. It is found in
the Southron regions.
Coralie: Well, you're partially right Gandalf. Corals are
actually tiny plant like creatures that depend on
clean water and sunlight in order to survive. Coral
reefs are actually composed of tiny organisms
called polyps. The skeleton of a polyp is a simple
combination of epidermis and gastroepidermis.
This is called a corallite. There are two types of of
corals; perforate (which consist of porous
skeletons) and imperforate (which have solid
skeletons). These corals are typically carnivorous,
feeding on small particles floating in the water….
Coralie: …They are found in most tropical and sub tropical
oceanic regions of the world and their skeletons
form limestone when they die…..but you are quite
correct Gandalf, to say that they are
beautiful to look upon.
Sam: Carnivorous plants! Skeletons! I told you she
had something to do with Orcs. I don’t like this
one bit Mr. Frodo!
Frodo: Does this creature move and what does it look
Coralie: No Frodo. It does not move save to sway in the
ocean’s currents.It is more like a flower I guess.
A flower that grows in the sea.
Legolas: Lady, this is very intriguing......
Samwise: She said she has a smattering of blue
blood...See! I tell you she has something to do
with the orcs!
Frodo: Hush now Sam! Gandalf seems to approve of
her, and that's alright with me.
Aragorn: What does this blue blood mean Lady?
Coralie: Listen Aragorn. If we're going to knock around
with each other then you should call be by my
name and not by 'Lady" even though I must
admit that I rather like the sound of it.
Blue blood means that I'm descended from
royalty. My great, great grandfather was a French
Count, a grandson of king Louis the XIV of
France. Although I am a sixth generation
Australian which means I probably have a spot of
convict in me as well!
The hobbits look at the ski queen dumbfounded.
Merry: Where is France?
Pippin: What's an Australian?
Sam: Convict….doesn’t sound too good to me!
Coralie: An Australian is a bloody good sort, that's what!
And France is a country in Europe, wherever the
hell that may be at the moment. Actually Middle
Earth could be Old Europe in ancient times come
to think of it? How come you can
understand me?????? We seem to speak the
Boromir and Gimli raise their eyebrows at each other. Gandalf nods approvingly.
Aragorn: Then indeed, you are a Lady, Coralie...(he stoops
to one knee taking her hand in his, kissing her
Marmot Ultimate Women's Ski gloved
hand)...And I can assure you that I would never
knock you about.....
Coralie: Oh my heart be still! (she drops in a mock faint to
Coralie: Don't get your knickers in a twist now! I'm
perfectly alright. All this testosterone is making
me light headed!
Boromir: (with water skin in hand) Here Lady. I see you
are in need of refreshment.
Coralie: Thanks. My throat was drier than a bull's bum
going up a hill backwards.....
Gimli: BBBAAAWWWAAAAHHHHAAAA! She may be alright
Merry: (giggling) What a thing to say!
Coralie: Call it my royal prerogative! Hang around some
more with me and your ears will burn!
Pippin: What's testosterone?
Coralie: Never mind!
Gandalf: Well Lady, er, Coralie, since that is what you
would have us call you...What is this Australia
that you speak of?
Coralie: Well, I come from Australia, otherwise known as
the Land of Oz, or the Great Southern Land, or
Land of the Southern Cross
and …….I think I'm from the future!
Sam: See, she's a Southron! Why should we trust her!!!!
Gandalf: Samwise Gamgee! This is some other land that
this Lady refers to. Have you ever seen a
Southron? They are dark, with dark hair and eyes.
Does she look dark to you? What colour is her
Sam: .....Well I can't really tell. She has stripes of
gold and red and brown....It's not natural and no
Coralie: Honey, I'll have you know that I paid a good deal
of money to my hairdresser to make my hair
look natural thank you very much...it was done
with foils and is the latest fashion where I come
Sam: Foils! I've never heard of hair being done with
Legolas: Come Sam. This is no way for a hobbit of the
Shire to talk to a Lady. Besides, I think her hair
is interesting to look at. It is short, but pretty
Gimli: Well said elf!
Coralie: Why thank you. I think that was a compliment of
Part 4 What'sssss She got in her backpaksssss?
An Aussie in King Aragorn’s Court Part 4
What has she gotsssss in her backpackssssssss?
Coralie laughed as the hobbits shared the second Snickers bar she had tossed over to Sam. They were licking their fingers with delight. True joy shone in their faces. Legolas came over and settled himself down beside her.
“Thank you Coralie for making them happy, if only for a moment.” He said wistfully as he looked upon the satisfied hobbits who were now joking about their recent booty.
“Yep! They look about as happy as pigs in mud Leggy! Doesn’t take much does it?” she replied.
“A hobbit and his food should not be parted. That was a real treat you gave them. I’m afraid that our provisions are not as tasteful as the hobbits would like, even though they are as practical as we could provide for our journey. Tell me. What else do you have in that pack of yours? It would seem to be a virtual treasure trove.”
“Treasure? Did someone say treasure?” asked Gimli in his gruff manner as he and the others gathered round Coralie, intent on finding out exactly what her back pack contained. She laughed as she started to empty its contents.
“No Gimli. I have no treasure, just the regular stuff I keep in here in case of an emergency, in case I’m stranded in the back country or decide to camp a night under the stars if it is pleasant out. I was planning to do that before I leapt into your company. The weatherman had forecast a rather warm night, most unusual, but hey! I’m not arguing…you don’t get too many of those this time of year……so my pack has all sorts of thing in it.”
“Weatherman?” asked Boromir. “Is he a wizard? How can he know the weather in advance?” He looked quite perturbed.
“Well, there’s no hard and fast rule about it Boromir……but more often than not he gets it wrong. Nothing is 100% when it comes to the weather.” replied Coralie.
Aragorn nodded in agreement.
“Yes even the weather here is unpredictable and our own Caradhras can be cruel when the mood is upon him.” He drew a long puff on his pipe and smiled at her. She rummaged around in her backpack pulling this and that out until it was all on the ground for all to see.
2 extra pair of white socks
1 pair of Raichle Freedom Ski Boots
1 pair K2 XP Axis Down hill skis
1 pair Black Diamond Carbon Fibre Flicklock Ski Pole (Makes a hand snow probe)
1 Rip curl ski jacket and pants
1 Bota bottle water skin in plush fleece…makes a comfy pillow
1 Silva Polaris compass
1 Climber fuel stove and matches
1 packet Celestial Seasoning Strawberry Kiwi Tea
1 Marmott women’s Zermatt hooded fleece jacket
1 pair of Outdoor Research Windy Ridge fleece gloves
2 Patagonia women’s silk weight capilene t-shirt in buttercup and white
2 Title Nine wicking camisoles freesia print
2 sports wool jumpers by Rip Curl (She was already wearing one)
2 pairs of sports wool pants by rip curl (ditto as above)
1 motive long sleeve wicking top
1 pair of Oakley Penny sunglasses
1 tube of Clinique sunscreen
1 Revlon lip gloss, Breathe Hi Fi Lippie
Several chapsticks and assorted lip glosses (strawberry, mango, banana, cherry)
1 Lancome Definicils Waterproof Mascara and eyeliner (Hey a girl’s got to do what a girl’s got to do…never know who you’re gonna run into!)
1 SI-5 Portable Flat Speakers with surround sound and (Sony Clie hand held computer, mp3 and digital video + still camera.
1 solar battery recharger and spare batteries
1 Sierra Design Women’s Synthesis sleeping bag
12 Packets of Mainstay Emergency Food Rations
3 pairs of Antz Pantz knickers
1 billabong Lush bikini + shorts
1 micro fiber towel
1 bottle of strawberry milkshake shampoo
1 bottle of Skin Quenchers Berry Juicie A luscious fragrant blend of nature's best berries! Includes naturally antioxidant strawberry, blueberry and raspberry extracts, vitamin C, nourishing avocado and healing aloe extracts.
1 nail file
1 tooth brush and tooth paste
1 Crystal Rock stick deodorant
1 laser light on a chain
1 ski pass
1 first aid kit
1 copy of Lord of the Rings (book)
1 pair Tecnica women’s Vario GTX terrain running shoes.
The Fellowship gazed in wonder at the contents arrayed on the ground.
Merry swooped on the emergency rations. “OY! Coralie! Is this more chocolate?”
“No!” she laughed. “I gave you my last bar.”
“Your pardon Coralie. If we’d known that was all you had we wouldn’t have been so greedy.” apologized Frodo.
“Don’t worry about it fellas….I’m on a diet anyway. It was worth it just to see the look on your faces when you ate it.” she responded. Sam looked at her with new respect.
Boromir picked up the compass.
“What does this do?”
“That’s a compass. It always points true north. Have a bo peep if you like.”
Boromir fiddled with the strange contraption and walked in many different directions.