Legolas: (Taking me by the arm) Now Lady, I am very
concerned about your foofer valve....Tellme...
where does it hurt? (double swoon)
Legolas is holding Lady Coralie's hand aka known as the Ski Queen
and looking at her anxiously.........
Legolas: Now Lady, you are strange to look upon, but you
cannot be so very different from Men, even
though you are a member of the fairer sex. Tell
me about this foofer valve of yours, for I
am wholly unacquainted with it.....pardon my
ignorance on this matter......but is it too delicate
Coralie: (Eyes wide...trying desperately not to laugh)
Sir Elf, you are very kind to ask about my foofer
valve, but you need trouble yourself no further
on my account.....I was simply referring to my
Legolas: (Alarmed) Your Heart! What has it been pierced
by an Orc's arrow....let me see!
Coralie: No! No! Silly. Nice idea though! I mean't I got
quite a shock to find myself suddenly here in
Middle Earth! But if you keep holding my hand
and looking at me like a sick puppy, I'll
lay you tens that Cupid will shoot me in the heart
Legolas: (Suddenly springing to his feet) Where is this
Cupid? He'll be dead before he can draw arrow
The others spin around looking for another Orc (or Cupid) to slay, swords drawn.....
Coralie: OMG! It's moments like these you need Minties!
Gandalf: (Eyeing the ski queen from head to toe) Calm
yourselves! There is no danger here that I
perceive, but rather misunderstanding of sorts. My
Lady, it would appear that not only your sudden
arrival, and strange appearance and weapons
have taken us aback, but your speech
also is strange to our ears. Tell me....By what
name are you known?
Coralie: Well I'd really like to say my name was Picabo
Street, but you may call me Coralie if you like.
Legolas: Coralie...It is a melodious name.....Almost
Elvish....Are you sure you're not Elvish?
Coralie: Yes Legolas, I'm sure I'm not Elvish, but I do
have a smattering of blue blood if that counts
for anything, I may even may have a bit of convict
blood too if I’m lucky! ...Coralie is French and
means prettiness of coral.
(I rather like my name, it was entirely my Mother’s
Aragorn: What is coral?
Gandalf: I do believe that coral is a rock from the sea that
possesses many beauteous colours. It is found in
the Southron regions.
Coralie: Well, you're partially right Gandalf. Corals are
actually tiny plant like creatures that depend on
clean water and sunlight in order to survive. Coral
reefs are actually composed of tiny organisms
called polyps. The skeleton of a polyp is a simple
combination of epidermis and gastroepidermis.
This is called a corallite. There are two types of of
corals; perforate (which consist of porous
skeletons) and imperforate (which have solid
skeletons). These corals are typically carnivorous,
feeding on small particles floating in the water….
Coralie: …They are found in most tropical and sub tropical
oceanic regions of the world and their skeletons
form limestone when they die…..but you are quite
correct Gandalf, to say that they are
beautiful to look upon.
Sam: Carnivorous plants! Skeletons! I told you she
had something to do with Orcs. I don’t like this
one bit Mr. Frodo!
Frodo: Does this creature move and what does it look
Coralie: No Frodo. It does not move save to sway in the
ocean’s currents.It is more like a flower I guess.
A flower that grows in the sea.
Legolas: Lady, this is very intriguing......
Samwise: She said she has a smattering of blue
blood...See! I tell you she has something to do
with the orcs!
Frodo: Hush now Sam! Gandalf seems to approve of
her, and that's alright with me.
Aragorn: What does this blue blood mean Lady?
Coralie: Listen Aragorn. If we're going to knock around
with each other then you should call be by my
name and not by 'Lady" even though I must
admit that I rather like the sound of it.
Blue blood means that I'm descended from
royalty. My great, great grandfather was a French
Count, a grandson of king Louis the XIV of
France. Although I am a sixth generation
Australian which means I probably have a spot of
convict in me as well!
The hobbits look at the ski queen dumbfounded.
Merry: Where is France?
Pippin: What's an Australian?
Sam: Convict….doesn’t sound too good to me!
Coralie: An Australian is a bloody good sort, that's what!
And France is a country in Europe, wherever the
hell that may be at the moment. Actually Middle
Earth could be Old Europe in ancient times come
to think of it? How come you can
understand me?????? We seem to speak the
Boromir and Gimli raise their eyebrows at each other. Gandalf nods approvingly.
Aragorn: Then indeed, you are a Lady, Coralie...(he stoops
to one knee taking her hand in his, kissing her
Marmot Ultimate Women's Ski gloved
hand)...And I can assure you that I would never
knock you about.....
Coralie: Oh my heart be still! (she drops in a mock faint to
Coralie: Don't get your knickers in a twist now! I'm
perfectly alright. All this testosterone is making
me light headed!
Boromir: (with water skin in hand) Here Lady. I see you
are in need of refreshment.
Coralie: Thanks. My throat was drier than a bull's bum
going up a hill backwards.....
Gimli: BBBAAAWWWAAAAHHHHAAAA! She may be alright
Merry: (giggling) What a thing to say!
Coralie: Call it my royal prerogative! Hang around some
more with me and your ears will burn!
Pippin: What's testosterone?
Coralie: Never mind!
Gandalf: Well Lady, er, Coralie, since that is what you
would have us call you...What is this Australia
that you speak of?
Coralie: Well, I come from Australia, otherwise known as
the Land of Oz, or the Great Southern Land, or
Land of the Southern Cross
and …….I think I'm from the future!
Sam: See, she's a Southron! Why should we trust her!!!!
Gandalf: Samwise Gamgee! This is some other land that
this Lady refers to. Have you ever seen a
Southron? They are dark, with dark hair and eyes.
Does she look dark to you? What colour is her
Sam: .....Well I can't really tell. She has stripes of
gold and red and brown....It's not natural and no
Coralie: Honey, I'll have you know that I paid a good deal
of money to my hairdresser to make my hair
look natural thank you very much...it was done
with foils and is the latest fashion where I come
Sam: Foils! I've never heard of hair being done with
Legolas: Come Sam. This is no way for a hobbit of the
Shire to talk to a Lady. Besides, I think her hair
is interesting to look at. It is short, but pretty
Gimli: Well said elf!
Coralie: Why thank you. I think that was a compliment of